light your world

NEW Blog Address!

2010-10-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

We have moved to a new (cyber-)location...

http://www.onourwayhome.typepad.com

Pass this on to anyone you know who may be interested. It's been a while since I've posted consistently here on light your world, but Nicol and I are excited to give this blogging thing a try TOGETHER!

Come check things out. It's a work in progress, which should be interesting and kinda fun, because so are we.

Eugene B. "Brownie" Brown Sr.

2010-06-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

(Family and friends, if you email me your special memories of Gramp, I'll post them here, or you can just add a comment.)

Obituary:

As published in the Bangor Daily News, June 9, 2010

WASHBURN - Eugene B. "Brownie" Brown Sr., 86, passed away Monday, June 7, 2010, at a Presque Isle hospital. He was born May 17, 1924, in Patten, the son of Harold and Bessie (Harvey) Brown. Brownie attended local schools in Patten and then joined the U.S. Navy. Upon his honorary medical discharge, he was employed as a station agent at Bangor and Aroostook Railroad for 11 years before joining Aroostook Potato Growers and becoming co-owner of Washburn Potato Co. He was very community minded; serving on the board of directors of Washburn Trust Co., the board of directors for SAD 45, president of Washburn Rotary Club and was named honorary alumnus of Washburn District High School. Brownie's family was very important to him. His family accompanied him for nine summers and enjoyed living on Silver Beach as he worked in Exmore, Va., for M.J. Duer Potato Co. He and his wife, Kay, also spent 35 winters in Daytona Beach Shores, Fla.; freely sharing their home with each of their children and grandchildren. They also traveled to Walt Disney World with 22 family members and made some very special memories. Brownie and Kay spent many happy times with their family at their camp on Portage Lake. Brownie also enjoyed stock car racing at Spud Speedway. He owned and operated a stock car sponsored by Washburn Potato Co. In later years, he was "honorary field boss" for Aaron Turner Farms, and enjoyed picking potatoes and giving them away. He was an avid poker player, enjoyed fly-fishing and hunting, and, in later years, putting puzzles together. Surviving, in addition to his wife of almost 66 years, Kathleen (Willigar) of Washburn; are his five children, Brenda and her husband, Larry Turner, Cheryl and her husband, Winston Shankel, Vicki and her husband, Deryle Sponberg, Joanne and her husband, David Lavway, and Eugene Jr. and his wife, Londa Brown; 12 grandchildren, Wendy and her husband, David Rose, Sheila and her husband, Doug Clark, Aaron and his wife, Laura Turner, Craig Russell, Linda and her husband, Chris MacDonald, Angela and her husband, Scott Wardwell, Gregory and his wife, Nicol Sponberg, Marci and her husband, Stephen Wilcox, Amie Lavway and her fiance, Kris Milo, Laura and her husband, Pete Slay, Eugene B. Brown III, and Eric and his wife, Janet Brown; and 16 great-grandchildren, Alexander Rose, Michael and Brian Clark, Mason and McCall Turner, CJ Russell, Anna and Abigail MacDonald, Annelise and Liliana Wardwell, Summer Sponberg, Christopher, Andrew and Morgan Wilcox, Caleb and BJ Brown. He also leaves behind a sister, Charlotte Michaud of Connecticut; and in-laws, Clarence and his wife, Sandy Willigar, Nora Willigar, Reba Wiggins, Bob and Gloria Willigar, Cora Savage, Jane and Donnie McNally, Judy James, Elsie and Vernon Campbell, Ruth and Chippy Lane, Donis and Wanda Willigar, Gail Campbell, and Elaine Willigar. In addition to his parents, he was predeceased by a brother, Manly Brown; and a great-grandson, Luke Sponberg. Funeral services will be conducted 1 p.m. Thursday, June 10, at Duncan-Graves Funeral Home, 30 Church St., Presque Isle, with the Rev. Clayton Blackstone Jr. officiating. Friends may call noon Thursday until time of service. Interment will take place after the service at Crouseville Cemetery. Those who wish may make donations to Luke Sponberg Foundation online at www.thelukesponbergfoundation.blogspot.com. Condolences may be expressed online at www.duncan-graves.com.

Donations:

Given in memory of Gramp to The Luke Sponberg Foundation

Many thanks to...

-Russell and Marilyn Allen (Presque Isle, ME)
-Dan and Jill Boyd (Presque Isle, ME)

-Howie and Laurie Bishop and Family (Bangor, ME)

-David and Connie Heald (Washburn, ME)

-Thomas and Rinette Hill (Coconut Creek, FL)

-Alan and Ginette Irving (Presque Isle, ME)

-Frank and Darrylin Keenan (Presque Isle, ME)

-Lancaster and Morgan Funeral Home (Caribou, ME)

-Nadine Peary (Bangor, ME)

-Richard and Barbara Porter (Washburn, ME)
-Linda Randolph (Presque Isle, ME)
-Cora Savage (Patten, ME)

-Winston and Cheryl Shankel (Hampden, ME)

-Barry and Mary Lou Thibeau (Fort Fairfiled, ME)
-Thompson-Hamel, LLC (Presque Isle, ME)

Home from Haiti...

2010-06-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

What a time it's been since returning from Haiti on Wednesday. The A/C went out that evening, and it was boiling hot in this place. I made a few calls on Thursday morning to have someone come take a look at it, but everyone was booked up and couldn't get to it until Friday. My first response would normally have been to check into a hotel, but having just been in the sweltering heat and humidity of Haiti, I was actually sort of acclimated. So we toughed it out... even though sleeping in a room that is 86 degrees is miserable no matter where you are. Then, at about midnight on Thursday/Friday, Summer woke up crying and said that her ear hurt. After 30 minutes or so, Nicol suggested that we go to a hotel, so we got ready real quick and headed out the door. Summer was getting more and more uncomfortable, so we drove to the ER to have her ear looked at. Sure enough, she had the beginnings of an ear infection and the doc gave us some drops and and prescription for amoxicillin. Next stop: hotel. Nicol called a few places and they were either booked or more $$ than any dive should ask for at 2:30am. I pulled into a Hilton Garden Inn and Nicol when in to see if they had vacancy and how much they get for a room. Yes, they had vacancy and frighteningly, the woman said it would $199. Nicol is very skilled in those types of situations and she began to work her magic, asking if they could match the price ($89) at a nearby hotel. She did match that price (unbelievable) and she checked us in so that we wouldn't have to check out until Saturday morning. That was a total blessing. We vegged all day Friday. Felt great. And Summer's ear is feeling much better.

But all that is quite insignificant in comparison to yesterday's events. I got a call from my Dad at about 7:30am, and he told me that my Grandfather (Mom's father) had apparently had a heart attack and that he wasn't doing well. Then, about an hour later, the news came that Gramp had passed. He was 86 and has had a history of heart disease, but he was in pretty good shape over all and this was totally unexpected. So tomorrow morning, Nicol. Summer and I will be traveling to Maine. The funeral will be Thursday afternoon. It will be good to finally get up there and be with everyone. I feel so bad for Gram... they would have celebrated their 66th anniversary in December. Amazing.

With all the craziness, I haven't been able to get any Haiti updates posted. What I can say is this: it was an amazing trip and I want to go back... with Nicol next time! More on Haiti when things calm down.

For now, I'm going to bed... have to be up at 5.

Peace.

Haiti--Day 4

2010-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

Tuesday--

Up at 5:50AM. Had b'fast at 6:30. Devos with the Global Outreach guys at 7. Beautiful morning here. Hot, but this compound is gorgeous. Right now I am looking out over a bay with mountains behind. The ocean water is blue/green and spectacular. Samaritan's Purse operation is in full work mode, building temporary shelter structures for those who have been and are being displaced out of PaP into Titanyen. There are lots and lots of people in that situation and based on having seen a tent city with 12,000 and another with 16,000 yesterday I have to think that many, many more could end up here. BTW, the 12,000 person tent city that we saw is located directly across from The Palace in what used to be a "beautiful" park, according to Nazer. It's not necessarily a safe place, and terribly sad to see. Who's going to help there?

Today Brian are going to help Chris and his crew unload a container. Chris just showed us around a bit. A primary part of their operation here is drilling wells, which he said is a 24/7 deal. Once you start drilling you can't stop to do something else and go back to it a couple of days later b/c the ground will collapse. Depending on what they are drilling thru, they may get 2-3 feet in a day or up to 50, but that about maxes his drills out. They spend 2 days a week just doing repairs, and every 3 months they do a complete maintenance overhaul of every well. And they've drilled 253 in the past 6 years.

Avg cost per well is $5000-$5500. Some a little less, some significantly more. Chris says you can't drill enough holes in this country. Clean water is that scarce.

Time to go unload a container...

Haiti--Day 3

2010-05-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hello from Haiti! A few folks at the guest house got really sick last night. I asked one person what she thought it was and she said "it's the Haiti hello." My hello from Haiti is just a greeting. I'm not sick. Praise the Lord.

Below are some notes from my iPhone, but first here's a quick summary of what's been happening. First, Brian, Caryn and I traveled here with Brent Gambrell Ministries of Nashville. They brought a team of about 45 people from all over the States to do orphan care and work projects. Trip leaders were Mike and Missy Wilson. Great folks. By the way, their son Dillon is a pretty amazing singer/actor/entertainer... don't be surprised if you see his name all over the place one day. GREAT kid too. We all stayed with BGM's primary Haitian ministry partner, Dr. Jacob Bernard and his wife, at their home, the Bethel Guest House in Thomassin. Really nice place. Very kind hosts. The Bernards are the kind of people who have done SO incredibly much with their lives for the kingdom that you kind of feel like a schmuck, if you know what I mean. He has 3 masters degrees from a seminary in TX and 2 PhDs. They run 2 orphanages and have adopted 17 children. Pastors a church. Teaches at a seminary. Blah, blah, blah. Now do you know what I mean about feeling like a schmuck? :)

Had a great time with BGM and the Bernards...

This morning we left the guest house and drove to Titanyen, about 30 miles from Thomassin. Drove straight thru Port au Prince. Can't begin to describe the scene there... devastation... and we're 5 months out from the quake. We will be here until Wed. Our hosts are Chris and Cheryl Brumley, who are with Global Outreach Int'l. Wonderful people. Fed us lunch. Talked about potential partnerships for Fellowship. Toured the church they attend with Cheryl and Pastor Kelley, their pastor.

That's about it for now. I'll post as I'm able and as we have WiFi...

Pray for us. God has definitely gone before us and shaped the trip by guiding conversations and setting the schedule. Really cool to see that happen. Very thankful.

FYI, I would post pics but I can't transfer them to Brian's laptop and I can't pick up the WiFi signal on my iPhone... :(

=====

Monday--

8:17AM
Left Bethel Guest House about 30 min ago. Our driver is Nazer Olivier. Gets $100 a day. Has 3 sisters and 2 brothers in West Palm. He went to H.S. in Miami. Moved back home to work for his father, Nadier, also a driver. Mother died when he was 6.

8:38AM
Nazer's house was leveled in the quake. All 7 people inside got out safely. Lost "a lot" of friends and had many who lost arms and legs. Said he spent the 3 days after the quake helping people. No sleep. No food. Said wks following the quake we awful, very bad... especially the smell of dead bodies.

8:45AM
Driving into downtown PaP on our way to Titanyen. People everywhere. Quite a seen. Totally calm (except for the traffic) but bustling with activity. LONG lines at banks and Western Unions... 100+ people waiting? Lots and lots of debris and rubble remains. Much of it has been moved to the sides of streets so traffic can get thru. Some of it has been moved into "fields" that have been leveled off for future building projects. Majority of rubble has been broken up and moved by hand. Just drove by The Palace, where Pres. Prevail was when the quake hit. Nazer said no one knew if Prevail was alive b/c as they found out later he got out of the city to safety. Didn't even hold a press conference to let the people know what was going on.

9:16AM
Just switched vehicles. Went from a Toyota Tercel to a Nissan Pathfinder. The Tercel just wasn't working for the 3 of us and all our luggage. Did I mention that the traffic is nuts here? Just drove by a tent city with upwards of 16,000 people according to Nazer.

9:45AM
One sign of malnutrition is a reddish/yellowish hue in the hair. Seeing LOTS of reddish/yellowish hair and it's not dye.

12:24PM
Eating lunch with the Chris and Cheryl Brumley (of Global Outreach Int'l) and Pastor Kelley Balde (of Titanyen Baptist Church). Pastor Kelley oversees 18 churches and pastors 2 of them full time. Sunday service times: 4:30-6AM and 7-9AM; Sunday School is 6-7AM. Why so early? B/c of the heat. Said that for 2 months after the quake the Haitians would not go inside a building with a concrete roof b/c they were afraid of another quake hitting.

2:46PM
Touring Titanyen Baptist Church with Pastor Kelley and Cheryl. The church suffered some damage but not much. Outside of a $1000 gift from a US church, they have done all the repairs by themselves. Amazing considering the poverty here.

4:50PM
Waiting for dinner. In honor of Memorial Day, Chris and Cheryl got American beef and we're having burgers on the grill tonight. Very nice people.

Haiti--Day 1

2010-05-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

[ From my iPhone notepad. ]

Saturday--

12:00PM
Landed at 10:45AM, got thru immigration, then on to baggage, which was absolute chaos. Somewhere between the plane and baggage claim someone swiped an Aquafina water bottle off my backpack. Oh well. Exited the "terminal" (the old AA hangar; main airport is closed b/c of earthquake) only to enter more chaos. Lots of guys wanting to "help" us with our bags and carts. Let me just say that what pavement is there is riddled with potholes the size of TX and that's the good parts of the street, so pushing a 3 wheeled luggage cart with 6 bags was... challenging. We are now waiting in a gravel/mud lot waiting for our ride. Sweating like mad. Good times.

1:06PM
Still waiting for our ride. If the environmentalists are concerned about carbon footprints in the US, they ought to come here. I've breathed in more diesel fumes in the past hour than I do in a month in Franklin. :) Good times.

1:27PM
My first ride in a "tap tap". And what is a "tap tap"? I guess you could say it's Haiti's version of a cab, except it's a truck, you sit in the back on benches, and when you want to get out, you "tap tap" on the roof. If you thought a taxi ride in New York, Boston, or Chicago was interesting, you ought to see try these things. Good times.

1:55PM
We landed at 10:45AM. Now leaving airport. 3 hours and 15 minutes to get off airport grounds. No big deal... I've waited for a couple hours at O'Hare.

2:58PM
The tap tap driver behind us shuts his truck off while sitting in traffic... I'm assuming to save fuel... I assumed wrong... it's overheating. We are driving thru "market". All kinds of produce, merchandise, and chickens. I like to call them "stickens" b/c they are skinny as a stick.

3:49PM
Just arrived at Bethel Guest House... Missy says it's the worst traffic they've ever seen. 25 miles. 2 hours. This place is NICE. Beautiful. Not at all what I was expecting.

7:28PM
Dinner was great. Rice and beans. Shepherds pie. Bread. A Coke... and a smile. Team meeting at 7:30.

2010-05-29T18:59:00.001-07:00

Saturday, May 29--12:00PM
Just landed, got thru immigration, then on to baggage, which was absolute chaos, but we made it. Somewhere between the plane and baggage claim someone swiped an Aquafina water bottle off my backpack. Oh well. Exited the "terminal" (the old AA hangar; main airport is closed b/c of earthquake) only to enter more chaos. Lots of guys wanting to "help" (for a fee, of course) with our bags and carts. Let me just say that what pavement there is is riddled with potholes the size of TX and that's the good parts of the street, so pushing a 3 wheeled luggage cart with 6 bags was... challenging. We are currently waiting in a gravel/mud lot waiting for our ride (estimated wait time: 1 hour, but why do I get the feeling it will be longer; be flexible, right? :)) Sweating like mad. And someone is cooking something somewhere and it smells amazing. Good times.

Heading to Haiti

2010-05-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

It all started on Wednesday with a v-mail from a friend and it went like this...

"Gregory, hey it's Petak. Let me float this idea by you. It's wild and it's crazy. I know that a lot of things would have to fall into place for this to happen, but here it is. The first contingency is this. Are you free May 29th to June 5th? If you are, do you have any interest in going to Haiti with me on a reconnaissance mission to land the plane with what Fellowship is doing by way of a partnership with Haiti? I know the 27th is the anniversary of Luke's death. I know that's going to be very, very hard, so I'm mindful of that, and maybe a May 29th departure is too close to that. Totally understand, but wanted to see if this is a possibility. Call me. See ya. Bye."

A little history...

Who's Petak? -- Brian Petak is the Global Outreach and Equipping Pastor at Fellowship Bible Church (FBC) in Brentwood, the church we've been attending since moving to Nashville. He's also our community group leader, a really good guy and a valued friend.

What's the reconnaissance mission? -- In the two months following the massive earthquake that struck Haiti last January, FBC received more than $100,000 in funds designated for relief efforts. Brian and the leadership team have been actively pursuing strategic partnerships in Haiti to determine the best use of those funds. This trip, in part, will be focused on solidifying those partnerships. We will also be joining a Fellowship Student Ministries (FSM) team, which will be serving in orphanages, helping with various construction projects, and ministering in local schools, churches and villages.

What things would have to fall into place? -- Two immediate things: (1) I had to find my passport, which was somewhere in our storage unit (emphasis on the 'somewhere' part). No passport, no travel. Here's the cool thing: Brian had a hold on an airline ticket for me, but it was set to expire at around 3pm on Thursday. I literally pulled my passport out of a file cabinet at about 2:57 and immediately texted Brian with the news (I think I typed 'Score!!!'). He called me a couple minutes later to confirm. Total answer to prayer. (2) I had to get my immunizations and malaria meds and was able to get both on Friday. A big thanks to Nicol for making some phone calls and to Jenny (???) at Passport Health in Brentwood who stayed at the office 2 hours late to help me out. Another answer to prayer.

May 27th -- If not for the awful reality, it would be impossible to believe that this Thursday will be the second anniversary of Luke's passing. As I type, I'm looking up at his photo... the one where he's sticking his tongue out. It's still just so hard to believe he's not with us. Those eyes. That hair. His sweet spirit. What a beautiful boy. Thursday will be hard, this whole week is going to be hard. My first thoughts about going to Haiti were that the timing is bad and that it wouldn't be a good idea to leave Nicol right now. But she is ALL for it and I'm so thankful for that... but it is going to be hard to be away from her and Summer.

So there you go. Lord willing, I'll be in Port-au-Prince one week from today. I'll get details out as I have them (as quickly as this has come together, I've yet to look at all the info regarding itinerary, packing, what to take, what not to take, etc.) and as I have time (there's a lot to get done!). In the meantime, maybe you could be praying... I'll give specific requests in the next several days, but for now just pray in whatever way you may think of.

Reflect:ions

2010-03-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

This past Wednesday, March 17, would have been Luke's second birthday. Tomorrow, we will celebrate his life with family and friends. Lots running through my mind. In no particular order, here are some thoughts. Feel free to comment with thoughts, quotes, Scriptures, stories, etc. from your own experiences... and go LIGHT YOUR WORLD. :)

We are all part of a much greater story than our own.
Every life is a gift, every child a miracle. In Divine terms, there is nothing cliché or run-of-the-mill about those words, but it is so easy to forget that.
Life is vapor. (James 4:14)
This life withers and fades; God's Word never will. "The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of the Lord remains forever." (1 Peter 1:24)
We will see our Little Man again. "I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (2 Samuel 12:23) "It is not the will of My Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." (Matthew 18:14)
Today, 25,000 parents around the world will lose a child. Tomorrow, 25,000 more. And the day after that. And the day after that. That doesn't make losing Luke any easier, but it does offer some perspective.
Years ago, I remember praying, "Whatever it takes, Lord." I had no idea.
"Life is hard; God is good." (Alistair Begg)
Grief and brokenness, hope and joy can occupy the same heart. We do "not grieve as others do who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians 4:13)
Hope is not crossing your fingers or a wringing your hands. It's not sweating things out or waiting to see if everything is going to turn out alright. It's not a 50/50 proposition. It's definitely not a wish. Hope is future, but it's certain. It's "waiting and aching" (Al Andrews).
Assurance. "We rejoice in hope of the glory of God." (Romans 5:2)
Transformation. "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." (Romans 5:3-4)
Comfort. "And hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:5)
The harsh reality is that God does allow things in our lives that are far, far beyond our ability to handle... but His "grace is sufficient" and His "power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Death is horrible. God agrees. "The last enemy to be destroyed is death." (1 Corinthians 15:26)
Jesus said, "It is finished." Victory, then, is certain but it's not yet complete. For now, death stings. ""When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:54-55) Our hearts hope while our hearts hurt.
Suffering is not anomalous to the Christian life. "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." (1 Peter 4:12) "For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in Him but also suffer for His sake." (Philippians 1:29)
World=tribulation and fear. Christ=Conqueror and peace-giver. "I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
On May 28, 2008 Nicol and I didn't care one iota about a dream house, dream cars, dream jobs, or anything else this world has to offer... just didn't matter.
Some of the best counsel we've received: "Sink into the pit. It's okay." (Jan Silvius) Speaking not of giving in to despair, but rather of feeling the sorrow. And why not? Jesus was "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." (Isaiah 53:3)
I have discovered the fine line between pouring my heart out to God (venting, if you will) and honoring Him while expressing my sadness and anger. Yes, my Father can handle it. And though it can be hurtful to this Daddy's heart, I too can handle it if Summer is disrespectful to me. But it is disrespectful nonetheless.
................

Finally...

2010-03-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, so now that I have consistently broken the #1 rule in blogging--CONSISTENT UPDATES--I am finally going to bring you up to date after about 6 weeks of near silence (I say near silence because Tweets do count for something, right? And since I've mentioned Twitter, if you have an account, you can now follow both Nicol and I... she signed up a few weeks ago!).

Here's what I want to share for now:

--The big news, of course, is that we FINALLY closed on the house... as of Feb 19 we are no longer home owners!! What a relief and a what kind answer to prayer. I am still amazed that, after 16 months on the market, we got our first and only formal offer... in DECEMBER of all times. Homes don't usually sell in December, let alone in the current market!! But we are so grateful that ours did!!

--We would appreciate prayer as we consider our next steps. At this point it appears that there are 2 scenarios on the table: one, begin looking seriously for a house and to sort of hunker down here in the Nashville area; two, accept a proposal from my long-time friend and mentor to go to Maine and serve with him (for the summer months or perhaps a bit longer) at the church he has pastored for the past 15 years or so.

I am reminded that a third scenario is also on the table: that being anything that God may unexpectedly drop into our laps.

In any case, we are praying and processing and waiting and would be grateful for your prayers should God put us on your hearts in this way.

Peace.

Light Your World TODAY

Why Not Us?

2010-01-26T15:14:00.000-08:00

Something very... odd is happening deep within. I've been wrestling with it for the better part of the last 4 or 5 weeks. For a variety of reasons, I've hesitated to tell anyone. I don't want to be misunderstood. I don't want to come across as cold-hearted or insensitive. I especially haven't wanted to hurt Nicol.

It's one of those things that, try though I have, can't be ignored. Mustn't be ignored. I've attempted on many occasions to sweep it away. Brush it aside. But I just can't shake it.

Here it is: Why not us? As in, what makes me think that we wouldn't or shouldn't or couldn't experience the hardship of the past 19 months? Why not us?

The question didn't just pop into my mind one day. I was actually sort of confronted with it. It convicted. It stuck. And I think that it's changing me.

The question was dumped on me in a video message by Matt Chandler, who himself is walking (very well) through a difficult valley... cancer. But he said it to his church, in so many words: "Don't feel sorry for me and don't ask 'why me?' Why not me!?"

I was pierced. I was angry. And yet, I was certain as to the truth of which he spoke.

How on earth had I arrived at the place where I actually believed "that" would never happen to me? Others? Sure. But me? No way. Us? Not a chance.

Silly. Foolish. Shallow. Unaware of this reality: Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. (1 Peter 4:12)

Don't be surprised ... as though something strange were happening.

Perhaps the only real surprise is when the unthinkable doesn't happen.

Don't get me wrong. I hate what happened. With feelings of being let down, I continue to struggle at times with mistrust and indifference toward God. I can't imagine anything more painful. We will never be the same. I would never have chosen this as our story. If I could, I would "undo" it right now. But I can't.

So rather than railing at God, becoming embittered toward Him, or walking away, I'm embracing -- crazy as it may sound -- a Why not me? view of our devastation.

Don't be surprised when your world is rocked, when you are crushed.

Given the broken world that we live in, it's really not to be seen as unusual. Really.

The redemptive part? ...rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

A final word... the last thing I want anyone to feel is pressure to feel the way I do. To anyone who finds themselves in the middle of a trial right now, please don't allow that to happen. One year ago, 6 months ago, even 3 months ago, I didn't have these thoughts. Quite honestly, I could not have understood anyone who did. At the very least I would have thought it very strange. In all likelihood I would have been angry. So please feel no pressure. It's just where I'm at.

= = = = = = =

A complete 180... we FINALLY have a contract on our house and are due to close on Feb 15!! Would appreciate your prayers on that (packing, moving, actually closing the deal!). AND, after the miscarriage in December, we decided to have genetic testing done on the baby. The results came back as abnormal. The baby had trisomy 8 & 14 and the doctor told us that those babies generally don't survive past the 1st trimester. That news didn't make the loss easier or any less disappointing, but it did help to know that there was an answer.

Thanks for praying... light your world.

Hard to Believe

2009-12-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

One of the things we have been so grateful for during the past 19 months are the kind words and prayers of family, friends and a whole lot of folks we don't even know. These blessings are touching, strength-giving and much appreciated. Thank you so much...

Sadly, I have yet more disappointing news. Nicol miscarried on Thursday. Physically, aside from the normal affects of miscarriage, she's doing fine. Emotionally, both of us are pretty sad.

It's just really hard to believe.

The Latest

2009-12-14T16:54:00.000-08:00

I know it's been forever since I've posted anything by way of an update. The reality is, I just haven't had much to write about... better said, there has been a lot on my mind, but I haven't had the desire to share much of anything. Just shooting straight with you.

That's REALLY bad for maintaining interest in your blog...

Anyway, there are a couple of things I want to share. First, Nicol miscarried again in October (as you may remember, she miscarried in April as well). You might think of April as a right hook, with October being the left uppercut that buckled our knees and sort of left us in a heap. I say "sort of" because we were rocked, no doubt about it. But God, as He has been over and over again, has been so kind and gracious. Can't deny that it's been pretty rough just the same though.

The second part of this update - and incredible news at that - is that on November 4, following several days of unusually excessive fatigue (for Nicol, not me! :)), we found out that she was expecting AGAIN! We were pretty much dumbfounded... mostly because we didn't know that it was physiologically possible to conceive so soon after a miscarriage... as a matter of fact, Nov 4 was just 25 days after Nicol miscarried... do the math, it doesn't really add up, but like our friend Lindal says, our math obviously isn't God's math... so somewhere in there I like to think a miracle happened.

We are thrilled and so thankful. Nicol's due date is July 15 (she's almost 10 weeks along). She's had minor nausea so far, which is a BIG change from Summer and Luke, when she was sick 24/7 all the way up to 18-19 weeks. Honestly though, we are relieved every time it hits her because it seems to indicate that things are okay. Since her doc says that every pregnancy is different, there's probably not a lot of substance to my theory. Whatever the case, I hate the sickness for her, but oddly enough it's a relief for both of us. AND the other piece of good news is that each of her ultrasounds have shown that the baby has a "happy, healthy, strong" heartbeat (as her doc says). We hadn't seen a heartbeat in April or October, so it was a massive praise when we saw that little heart pulsating on the monitor for the first time just a few weeks ago.

I am reminded yet again that conception and life are gifts from God. When we got pregnant with Summer, it followed a significant amount of time during which we were "leaving it up to God," if you will. Same with Luke.

And then, when we found out Nicol was expecting last March, we thought it was a special blessing from God (and every pregnancy is), but still... it was like He hadn't forgotten us, like He was reminding us that He was with us in the devastating pain of Luke's death. And then we miscarried.

And then, September rolled around and we didn't know what to think or how to feel... we were, honestly, afraid and reluctant to get our hopes up, to engage too deeply with the idea of a new baby because we knew there were no guarantees. But as every parent knows, it's impossible NOT to engage with anticipation the new life being formed within. And then we miscarried.

And then, when the news of another pregnancy came about 8 weeks ago, quite predictably, we were thrilled and we were scared and we were ecstatic and we were hesitant to let our hearts engage the idea of a new addition to our family. And so far, everything is fine.

I remember the afternoon we went to the hospital for Luke's delivery... c-section, actually. The shift nurse, as she checked Nicol in, shared with us that her 5 year old daughter had recently been diagnosed with cancer. "How on earth do you deal with that?" I thought. I realized that all along I had taken for granted the good health of our own daughter.

I also remember praying just before Nicol went to the OR that day (and this was in light of Todd and Angie and everything they were going thru with Audrey)... I remember praying, "God, we don't take this baby's health for granted." Yes, yes I did. And ten weeks later we lost Luke. Indeed, I did take our son's well-being for granted. Didn't dream his life would be so short. But how could I have? What parent would?

Why all the background information? Because, while I am much more aware today of the fact that there are no guarantees with this baby, I have to admit that there's still a piece of me that takes God's kindness and grace for granted. Perhaps the greatest difference is that, lately, I am far more likely to stop in my tracks and say, "Thank you, Jesus. You are amazing and beautiful." when we receive a good report from the doctor, or when He drops these blessings in our lap, or just because I am reminded how good and faithful He has been and how desperate I am for Him in my life.

So guess what? I'm going to ask you once again for your prayers and I thank you in advance for them! We need them more than you can imagine...

One more thing... here's a recent pic of our little princess. Talk about a blessing.

Update : Coming SOON!

2009-12-03T23:37:00.001-08:00

I promise... :)

ChristmasCare : 2009

2009-12-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

Celebrate Christ's birth this year by giving a gift to someone you might not otherwise give to... a co-worker, boss, neighbor, complete stranger, personal physician, bank teller, firefighter, police officer, public official, school teacher or administrator, homeless man or woman, family in need, etc., etc., etc. We did this as a family last year - the first Christmas since losing Luke - and it helped make a very difficult season a little more joyful. Give it a try.

This Can't Be Ignored...

2009-10-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me

because He has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovery of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

--Jesus, Luke 4:18-19

The Stone at Shechem

2009-09-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

(From Joshua 24)

God's faithful kindness...

He kept every promise He made to Abraham.

He delivered His people from slavery in Egypt.

He rescued them.

He destroyed their enemies.

He went out ahead of them.

He gave them victory.

He prepared a land for them.

He gave them that land.

Joshua's charge...

Obey, serve and worship God

Have spiritual integrity

Be loyal to God

Leave the gods that your ancestors worshiped

The peoples' response...

We will not worship those gods!

We will NEVER abandon the LORD!

How could we? Look at everything He's done for us!

Joshua's warning...

You WILL forget and you WILL turn away from the LORD, despite ALL He has done for you.

The peoples' declaration...

No way, we WILL serve and obey God!

The Stone at Shechem...

Is a reminder of Israel's allegiances sworn to God; it is a witness against them if turn from God and serve other gods.

= = = = = = =

Some things never change... God is faithful and we struggle.

Great intentions tend to get lost in the shuffle of life... We are committed to God yet we inevitably deny Him in one way or another.

We too need a Stone at Shechem...

O to Grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee

(Come Thou Fount)

Ken Davis & The Law of the Pendulum

2009-09-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

Just read a review of Lord, Save Us from Your Followers. I saw a screening of the movie a couple weeks ago. The review addresses one of the thoughts I had after seeing the movie... the idea of churches in America sort of going back and forth in terms of trends, emphasis, etc. The word "pendulum" came to mind.

Several years ago I heard Ken Davis tell this very funny, yet poignant story about the Law of the Pendulum. Below is an excerpt from his book - How to Speak to Youth ... and Keep Them Awake at the Same Time - and tells that story in his own words.

In college I was asked to prepare a lesson to teach my speech class. We were to be graded on our creativity and ability to drive home a point in a memorable way. The title of my talk was, “The Law of the Pendulum.” I spent 20 minutes carefully teaching the physical principle that governs a swinging pendulum. The law of the pendulum is: A pendulum can never return to a point higher than the point from which it was released. Because of friction and gravity, when the pendulum returns, it will fall short of its original release point. Each time it swings it makes less and less of an arc, until finally it is at rest. This point of rest is called the state of equilibrium, where all forces acting on the pendulum are equal.

I attached a 3-foot string to a child’s toy top and secured it to the top of the blackboard with a thumbtack. I pulled the top to one side and made a mark on the blackboard where I let it go. Each time it swung back I made a new mark. It took less than a minute for the top to complete its swinging and come to rest. When I finished the demonstration, the markings on the blackboard proved my thesis.

I then asked how many people in the room BELIEVED the law of the pendulum was true. All of my classmates raised their hands, so did the teacher. He started to walk to the front of the room thinking the class was over. In reality it had just begun. Hanging from the steel ceiling beams in the middle of the room was a large, crude but functional pendulum (250 pounds of metal weights tied to four strands of 500-pound test parachute cord.).

I invited the instructor to climb up on a table and sit in a chair with the back of his head against a cement wall. Then I brought the 250 pounds of metal up to his nose. Holding the huge pendulum just a fraction of an inch from his face, I once again explained the law of the pendulum he had applauded only moments before, “If the law of the pendulum is true, then when I release this mass of metal, it will swing across the room and return short of the release point. Your nose will be in no danger.”

After that final restatement of this law, I looked him in the eye and asked, “Sir, do you believe this law is true?”

There was a long pause. Huge beads of sweat formed on his upper lip and then weakly he nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

I released the pendulum. It made a swishing sound as it arced across the room. At the far end of its swing, it paused momentarily and started back. I never saw a man move so fast in my life. He literally dived from the table. Deftly stepping around the still-swinging pendulum, I asked the class, “Does he believe in the law of the pendulum?”

The students unanimously answered, “NO!”

Davis' point is this: don't listen to what people say about their faith, watch what they do. My thought, as related to Lord, Save Us from Your Followers and trends in the Church, is that the Church shouldn't mimic the pendulum, i.e., it's primary emphases shouldn't swing from one side to another in reaction to cultural trends and generational preferences. Rather, just as the pendulum is in perfect equilibrium while in its static state (resting still in the middle), the Church will find perfect biblical balance while while resting on the perfectly balanced truth of Christ... grace AND truth. We tend to go back and forth. Grace. No, no, no. Truth. No, no, no. Grace. No, no, no...

John 1:14 says, the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

The perfectly balanced message of the Church? Grace and Truth. One without the other is an incomplete, inaccurate picture of Christ. One without the other leads us and others astray. One without the other can never truly transform a life.

Just to Take Him at His Word

2009-09-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

For about a week now, an old hymn has been on repeat mode in my mind. If you've spent any time in church world, you know it well--'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus. It's the first verse that really grabbed me, though. Especially this line: Just to take Him [Jesus] at His Word.

I wonder how different life might look if were I to just take Jesus at His word. I'm not talking about a red-letter approach to the Word, as though Matthew, Mark, Luke and John had the cornered the market of Jesus' words. I'm talking about the whole Book, cover to cover. I'm talking about Christ the Word... who was in the beginning, was with God, was God. (John 1:1) I'm talking about the promise that Christ upholds all things by the word of His power. (Heb 1:3) And I'm talking about Peter's response to Jesus in John 6 following the departure of many disciples: Lord, we're not going anywhere. Besides, where else can we go? You have the words of eternal life. (John 6:68)

Jesus is the Word. He's in control, always has been. He's the Rock that compels us to take the next step when the journey is unbearable. Moses wrote over and over and over again that God was with Joseph, even in some awful circumstances. He was with Joshua wherever Joshua went, and He told him to be strong, courageous, unafraid, encouraged. He told Thomas to touch His hands and side. Thomas' response? My Lord and my God! The Word was proven true yet again. And then there's Peter... again. Get out of the boat a come to me, Jesus said. Everything was fine until Peter was overcome by fear and began to sink, but even in Peter's failure Jesus was right there to offer a helping hand.

I’m not trying to say that we have to, ought to or even should trust Jesus. I'm just throwing out the idea that He can be trusted. Big difference. Neither am I saying that fear and doubt aren't or shouldn't be part of our journey. They are and will continue to be. The question is what will we do with them. Joseph, Joshua, Thomas and Peter remind me that, regardless of circumstance, Jesus can be taken at His word. And man do I need the reminder.

I’m also definitely not insinuating that if we will just take Jesus at His word everything is going to be fine and dandy. That would be a ridiculous insult. Life is simply too messy for that. And if you're anything like me, there's probably enough life in your rearview mirror to know that as simple as the Gospel is there are no simplistic formulas for dealing with the complexities of this broken world. So take Jesus at His word? Yes. But there's no guarantee that the storms will cease to rage. Only the promise that Christ will be with you. He can be taken at His word. He is faithful to it even when we are not.

Back to Louisa Stead. It came as no surprise to me that she had a story. In 1875, life changed forever when she watched her husband drown off Long Island. He was rescuing a young boy who himself was drowning. Still, from that devastating event, she was able to give us this conceptually simple, practically complex, experientially validated and eternally satisfying truth - we can take Jesus at His word.

Video: I Will Rise / Chris Tomlin

2009-09-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

Bill Rieser: God, Love and Basketball

2009-09-13T19:53:00.001-07:00

Great story of Redemption...

Bill Rieser: God, Love and Basketball - CBN.com Video by CBN - MySpace Video

Shared via AddThis

Swine Flu Hysteria?

2009-09-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/09/01/Swine-Flu-Shot-Linked-to-Killer-Nerve-Disease.aspx

My sister forwarded this article about the swine flu vaccine to me today, and I've inserted it here to replace the original NaturalNews article I posted the other day. Not knowing which web info to trust and which not to, I'm confident about this one b/c comes on recommendation from a friend of ours, Eva Shea (D.O.) an outstanding doc and all around cool person.

A First

2009-09-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

Today is the first of many...

We just dropped Summer off for her first day of pre-school. She was so excited. Us too.

But...

One day all too soon she will probably feel the blush of embarrassment if, like this morning, we walk her into her classroom, hang out for a while, chat with her teachers and other parents, take a few pictures, shoot some video and... gawk. One day all too soon someone will capture her heart and our little girl will leave home for the very last time as our little girl.

One day all too soon I have become a sniffling Dad who just dropped his little girl off at pre-school and somehow already has her walking down the aisle, about to recite her wedding vows.

I admit it, it's sort of silly, and yet it's real. Can't help these thoughts and emotions that have come upon me this a.m.

What a gift this child is - every child. Those with us, those who for any reason leave us much too soon, those who are yet to be known. A reward, says the Psalmist. And all this from the LORD.

But there's more...

As much as today is a God thing, that being Summer's first steps in her educational experience, so too it will be a thing of God the day she leaves our nest. The blessing that we now enjoy as Summer is in our "quiver," as the Psalmist puts it, is a blessing intended only for a season. "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." One's youth. The gift and reward and blessing that this little girl is to us by the grace and kindness of God is but for a few, fleeting moments. Sure, Summer will always be our daughter, but if I understand Solomon's song of ascent from Psalm 127, today she is our little girl, tomorrow she will be a woman in someone else's care.

So enjoy her we will. Rejoice over her we will. Treasure her and this time we will. Raise her up well, by God's grace, we will. And like everything else in life - by God's grace - we will one day release her, just like a warrior releases his arrows, to go out in the favor of the LORD and fulfill His plans for her life.

Of wisdom, blessing, mercy and grace, LORD, we need much.

A Breakthrough

2009-09-01T14:40:00.001-07:00

Had a major breakthrough in a relationship the other day. Scratch that, it was a massive breakthrough... massive because the struggle had been ongoing for a long, long time. In all honesty, I had on more than one occasion concluded that the situation was hopeless and that it was pointless for the two sides to even try to get things right. It was not good, not good at all... and it was extremely painful for everyone involved.

But you know what? The worst is behind us. And as much as I believed that things would never change - in fairness, I am sure the other side felt the same way - I now believe that the best lies ahead. What a difference a week makes. What a difference an open, honest, honorable, two-way conversation makes.

Some thoughts about this breakthrough...

more likely than not, if you are reading this, you currently have or at some point have had some sort of intense, ongoing relational struggle that is at times gut-wrenchingly difficult
more likely than not, this struggle involves someone close to you, perhaps a relative, spouse, good friend, etc.; if it wasn't someone close, things probably would never have gotten so strained
there is something about the raw expression of one's feelings that allows us to pass from stormy waters to the peaceful waters we all want in our relationships;
speaking the truth in love does not equal a wishy-washy dance routine around the issues at hand; hey, there is an intensity to these situations because the relationships are meaningful, and there is an intensity to our emotions because the wounds are sometimes deep
that said, let it out; speak honorably, but speak nonetheless; you'll never feel so miserable as when you skate right on by what needs to be addressed; and when issues aren't addressed there is zero hope for resolution
forgiveness... I've heard it said that anyone who knows Jesus' forgiveness in their own life can't not forgive others and while I understand and believe that in my theological I also understand that it's nothing short of miraculous when forgiveness is extended from one to another because it is absolutely contrary to our nature to do so
also on forgiveness... I am reminded of a quote from Khaled Hosseini's Kite Runner. I have to thank our friend Al for this one. He passed it along to me a couple years ago. The context in the book is when the main character looks at a picture of his father, and realized there is no longer a sting to it. He says, “I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.” Something rings right about that statement. All I know is a week ago I would have never anticipated the relational breakthrough that was about to take place. Perhaps all the pain packed it's bags and was graced away by the great Forgiver.

That's about all I've got... for now anyway. Besides, we have to go to a parent open house for Summer's pre-school. I can hardly believe that, but I'm definitely looking forward to it. Our little girl is growing up too fast.

I Really Like This...

2009-08-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

Got a tip yesterday from my mentor, who got it from my uncle, about a book titled Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero, pastor of New Life Fellowship in New York City. Haven't read the book yet (obviously) but I am planning to order it. I did check out Scazzero's website and found a video that tells the story of what he and his wife have been through together in life and ministry. I found it incredibly encouraging. You can watch it here. Once on the website, look for "SUB NAVIGATION" and "Pete and Geri's Testimony."

2009-07-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

So you get to the airport (Saturday afternoon), drop your wife and daughter off at check-in, unload everything from the van (you think), except for your stuff which you'll bring with you, drive over to economy parking, grab the shuttle back to check in, check in, go thru security, get on the first leg of your trip (which left almost one hour later than scheduled), make your connection for the second leg of your trip (which was delayed so that you and a few others could board), arrive at your final destination, meet your hosts, get all your bags... except, wait, all hte bags aren't there b/c you left one of the bags in the van b/c you thought your wife was going to get it and she thought you were (do all you marrieds communicate so well?). Whose bag, you say? My wife's, of course. Who has to sing this morning and tonight (Sunday)? My wife, of course. What to do? Rely on gracious hosts to provide clothes for this morning and send her off shopping this afternoon to get an outfit.

Oh the joy... :)

A Convicting Comment & A Cool Story

2009-07-23T18:09:00.001-07:00

This is a neat story by James MacDonald, pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel in Rolling Meadows, and founder of Walk in the Word. I was especially struck by a statement he made at about the 3:30 mark of the video... "I was struggling in my faith. I got to a very dangerous place of demanding that God do a certain thing and calling it faith." That's convicting...

It Happened to Me-6 from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.

"Get Me Out of My Seat!"

2009-07-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Summer and I just got back from a Starbucks run... she wanted a biscotti... it's quite hilarious to hear a 3-year-old ask for a biscotti!

On the back home, she spilled a bit of her ice water in her lap. She can't stand it when her pants are wet, so she was squawking about it and sort of pitching a fit, telling me in no uncertain terms that she wanted out of her car seat. I told her she had to stay buckled in because we were driving, that we would be home soon, and that she needed to just be patient. All that was of course to no avail. So then I told her she could ask Jesus to help her be patient, to which she replied, "No, I want God to get me out of my seat!"

She's a pistol alright.

Update & A Summer Funny

2009-07-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

The house... no offer(s)... another showing last Thursday... the couple liked it but that's all we know... grrrrrrr... anyone else find that rejoicing and giving thanks in situations like this is not easy and that waiting is REALLY hard work? We have much to be thankful for nonetheless.

Summer... Nicol has been doing the Dr. Colbert detox diet for the past couple of weeks... and she feels great. She lost 6 pounds in the first 10 days or so. She has much greater discipline than me when it comes to stuff like that... she can't have sugar, dairy, red meat, caffeine, etc. and is limited to whole grains, nuts, fruits, vegetables, organic chicken... not bad actually, but I would struggle to give up coffee and heck, it's summer, so who wants to stay away from ice cream? (Actually, one of my favorite "can haves" on the diet is Ezekiel bread. Anyone had it? It's VERY good. As you can see, I sort of pick and choose on this stuff. I'll eat the Ezekiel bread AND have my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from Ben and Jerry's thank you very much. My philosophy is that it's all about balance.) Anyway, the other day Summer heard Nicol say that she had lost 6 pounds, and what was her response? "That's okay Mommy, I can help you find them."

House Update : Wednesday

2009-07-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

No news is, in this case at least, NOT good news. Not sure what's going on with the potential buyer, but we don' have a contract. We do have another showing on Thursday... and we're thankful for that.

On another note...

I am usually challenged by Oswald Chambers and that is the case with part of his writing for today: "Quit praying about yourself and be spent for others as the bondslave of Jesus. That is the meaning of being made broken bread and poured out wine in reality."

Wow... I wonder about the percentage of my prayer life that is spent talking to God about me, me, me.

House Update : Sunday

2009-07-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

Got a message from our realtor (Becca) this afternoon. She said the open house went well. A few new faces and some familiar ones too. The good news is that the couple who went to the bank last week to get the loan process rolling apparently got things sorted out. They told Becca that they want our house and that they will have a contract for us tomorrow (Monday). We will see. We remain cautiously optimistic and hope that this will get done in the next few days.

Thanks for keeping up with all this and especially for your prayers.

Another House Update

2009-07-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

No word from the couple who went to the bank for loan approval. :(

Another showing today. Another one scheduled for tomorrow. And an open house on Sunday.

We're going to be away this weekend and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get another update out until we return on Sunday. (Maybe this is a good reason to starting tweeting.) Will let you know as soon as possible.

McNair/Kazemi Tragedy

2009-07-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

Assuming that many readers here are women, I thought perhaps that your husbands or significant others may be interested in this post at Christian Dads.

Would love to hear their thoughts on this... maybe you could share this with them.

House Update

2009-07-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

We've had 3 showings since Friday, which is great considering it's the first activity we've had in about 6 weeks. The couple who saw it on Friday liked it but probably aren't interested enough to make an offer. Then, two couples saw it on Sunday... the first was scheduled, the second "just happened" to be in the neighborhood. Long story short, the couple who were not scheduled to see it liked it enough to go to the bank yesterday to get the loan approval process rolling. As of early this afternoon they had not heard back from the bank... I'm told these things take longer now than they did even 6 months ago.

We are expecting to know something tomorrow. An open house is scheduled for this Sunday, but we are so hoping there won't be a need to have it.

We are cautiously optimistic tonight.

Keep praying if you think of it!

Please pray for these folks...

2009-07-03T21:02:00.001-07:00

A Revelation

2009-07-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

It struck me this morning that it's been awhile since I last posted. So when I checked the date of my last post, it wasn't really all that surprising to see that my most recent log-in was almost one month ago. Sorry to be so out of the loop and out of touch, but it's actually been a much-needed respite... not that writing is really all that taxing... the past year, however, has obviously been an indescribable emotional drain... and one more thing on the to-do list has been more than I have cared to think about lately.

All that said, here's a little update for you and a revelation I had the other day...

--We are doing okay, whatever that means. It's still up and down. It sometimes feels like we should be further down this road than we are. And then we remember the words of several individuals/couples who are further along in this journey than we are, folks who have told us that it took them 3 or 4 years just to sort of turn a corner, for life to begin to feel a little bit normal again. We also remember that we are and from here on out always will walk with a limp, so today may be pretty good, tomorrow may be pretty good too, the next day may be yuck-ville, the next day may be even worse, the day after that may be fantastic... and I am once again reminded that our journey is all too difficult to describe to those who have not experienced the same pain and virtually impossible to predict.

--Our house... it STILL hasn't sold. :-( We did have a showing today though (which went well, but the couple wants to think about it... famous last words!), and another couple will see it on Sunday (pray about that for us!). Don't know what else to say. We are waiting, hoping, praying, trusting... and trying not to be anxious and fretful (is that a word?). Any creative selling ideas???

--The revelation... the other day I was talking to Summer about sharing her toys with some her friends (she had had a hard time with that concept the day before!) and she quite emphatically said, "But I don't want to!" I went on to say all the predictable things... about how it's the right thing to do, that it's important to treat other people like we want to be treated, etc., etc. And then Jesus' words in John 15 streamed into my mind: "...apart from me you can do nothing." Yes, as a father I need to teach Summer the what's, when's, where's, why's and how's of life. But as important as those things are, it is equally (more?) important to remind her that Jesus will help us do the things He asks us to do if we will just ask Him for that help. I can give the rules and expectations, but if I don't point her to the only One who can help her, if I don't stop right then and there and say hey, let's ask Jesus to help with this, I will fail her as a dad. I know this isn't a new revelation to you all, and I know that most of you probably figured this out a long time ago, but it clicked for me the other day for the first time in relation to my role as a father... and it also reminded me of the desperate need I have to do the same thing in my own life with regard to the things that I respond to with an emphatic "But I don't want to!"

--One more thing... if you have the time, check out this Eugene Peterson article: "The Cure of Souls"... it's more than 25 years old and it's about pastoral ministry, but it's well worth the time for anyone to read... pastor or not. And it's themes are strongly related to what I've just written here re: my revelation.

A Little Bit o' Summer

2009-06-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

Summer FINALLY meets Miss Patty Cake!

How about pancakes and hashbrowns for breakfast on your 3rd birthday?

That's what Summer wanted. (May 18)

Carnival 'copter ride.

There's no doubt... mommy enjoyed this more than daughter.

May 27, 2009

Chillin' at Chick-fil-A.

A little speed work on the track at Dick's Sporting Goods...

...and then a bike ride.

Combine these sports with how much she loves to swim

and maybe triathlon is in her future.

Seriously, do you like my new glasses?

Honey, for real, they don't fit.

Nouwen Quote

2009-06-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

Thinking about this...

"It is such a comfort to know that Jesus' wounds remain visable in his risen body. Our wounds are not taken away, but become sources of hope to others." -Henri Nouwen

John Piper on Twitter

2009-06-03T16:49:00.000-07:00

"'All things were created through Christ and for Christ' (Colossians 1:16). The world does not know it, but that is why Twitter exists and that’s why I Tweet."

How cool is that! If you carry this logic far enough and apply it to other scenarios, it breaks down; but hey, in my mind it's an amazing and obviously God-honoring perspective on Twitter and Tweeting and all things social networking.

Must See...

2009-06-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

A.W. Tozer : On "Possessing Nothing Yet Having Everything"

2009-06-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

"The way to deeper knowledge of God is through the lonely valleys of soul poverty and abnegation of all things. The blessed ones who possess the Kingdom are they who have repudiated every external thing and have rooted from their hearts all sense of possessing. They are 'poor in spirit.' They have reached an inward state paralleling the outward circumstances of the common beggar in the streets of Jerusalem; that is what the word 'poor' as Christ used it actually means. These blessed poor are no longer slaves to the tyranny of things. They have broken the yoke of the oppressor; and this they have done not by fighting but by surrendering. Though free from all sense of possessing, they yet possess all things. `Theirs is the kingdom of heaven.'

"Let me exhort you to take this seriously. It is not to be understood as mere Bible teaching to be stored away in the mind along with an inert mass of other doctrines. It is a marker on the road to greener pastures, a path chiseled against the steep sides of the mount of God. We dare not try to by-pass it if we would follow on in this holy pursuit. We must ascend a step at a time. If we refuse one step we bring our progress to an end."

==========

I have fairly strong affections toward things, a certain handful of things in particular; my keen ability to pretend otherwise is probably far more stifling to my soul than I am willing to admit.

I don't want that to be true.

A.W. Tozer: On 'All We Really Need'

2009-05-31T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's frightening to me just how easy it is to forget this...

"When religion has said its last word, there is little that we need other than God Himself.

"When the Lord divided Canaan among the tribes of Israel, Levi received no share of the land. God said to him simply, `I am thy part and thine inheritance,' and by those words made him richer than all his brethren, richer than all the kings and rajas who have ever lived in the world. And there is a spiritual principle here, a principle still valid for every priest of the Most High God.

"The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever."

71 Days

2009-05-28T17:27:00.001-07:00

Ex1615 : Bread For A Wanderer

2009-05-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

Psalm 86:3-7

3 Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all the day.
4 Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
5 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
6 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
7 In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.

Psalm 78

2009-05-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

Of all the things that may concern us today, none are more significant than THIS. The "things" to which I referred, the stuff we all see on cable news programs and hear on talk radio, are not much more than a smokescreen, a distraction. THIS is the ultimate, the one lasting reality.

The real crisis regarding the future of our country, our communities, our families... our church? THIS speaks to the answer to that question.

78:1 Give ear, O my people, to my teaching;
incline your ears to the words of my mouth!
2 I will open my mouth in a parable;
I will utter dark sayings from of old,
3 things that we have heard and known,
that our fathers have told us.
4 We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done.

5 He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children,
6 that the next generation might know them,
the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children,
7 so that they should set their hope in God
and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments;
8 and that they should not be like their fathers,
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
a generation whose heart was not steadfast,
whose spirit was not faithful to God.

Psalm 62:8

2009-05-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psalm 62:8 (NASB)

-He is faithful even when I am not, and yet I am frequently tempted to not trust in Him at all times.

-He is kind, consistent in His love, and able to understand my struggles, and yet I am all too often hesitant to pour out my heart before Him because I am wounded and feel vulnerable.

-God is a refuge for us, let me stop in my tracks and soak in that unchanging reality.

Playing for Change

2009-05-10T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of this? Came across it via a Facebook post the other day. Had never seen it before. Lots of fun. A disclaimer... don't get hung up on any theological implications, just enjoy it for what it is.

Manning Quotes

2009-05-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

"In contrast to the domesticated, feel-good Jesus of TV evangelism, who is committed to our financial prosperity, the Christ of John's gospel who has made His home in us invites us to walk with Him daily in humble service even unto death. We may have acquired graduate degrees; we may have mastered biblical principles; we may hold roles of secular and spiritual leadership; and we may have authored books on Christian maturity; and our wits may have been sharpened on the Carborundum [abrasive] wheel of the world. So much the better if they have elicited raw faith, so much the worse for those on the inside track who dismiss union, fusion, and symbiosis [with God] as merely sophisticated metaphors not to be taken literally." (73)

"Words, like anything else used too often, soon depreciate in value, lose their edge, and cease to bite into our lives." (74)

"The revolutionary thinking that God loves me as I am and not as I should be requires radical rethinking and profound emotional readjustment." (75)

"Jesus said you are to love one another as I have loved you, a love that will possibly lead to the bloody, anguished gift of yourself; a love that forgives seventy times seven, that keeps no score of wrongdoing. Jesus said this, this love, is the one criterion, the sole norm, the standard of discipleship in the New Israel of God. He said you're going to be identified as His disciples, not because of your church-going, Bible-toting, or song-singing. No, you'll be identified as His by one sign only: the deep and delicate respect for one another, the cordial love impregnated with reverence for the sacred dimension of the human personality because of the mysterious substitution of Christ for the Christian." (86)

"The apostle Paul may have understood the mind of Jesus better than anyone who ever lived. He sums up his whole understanding of the message of Jesus in Galatians 5:6 when he writes, 'the only thing that matters is the faith that expresses itself in love.' According to Paul's criterion for greatness in the New Israel of God, the person who is most Christlike, closest to the heart of Abba, is not the one who spends the most time in prayer. It's not the one who has the most PhDs. It's not the one who has the most responsibility entrusted to his care. It's not the pastor of the biggest megachurch. No, it's the one who loves the most. That's not my opinion. Those are the words in Galatians 5 that will judge us." (87-8)

[ Quoted from The Furious Longing of God ]

Random : 5609

2009-05-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

A friend told us yesterday that the most power he has for the gospel is the result of the two darkest days of his life, one as a child and one as a young man.

Why is this true? I'm not questioning it... quite the opposite... I believe it wholeheartedly... it's my reality too. I guess my real question is why does it have to be this way? Why does God allow it to be this way? Did He cause it to be this way? Is this just another part of His plan that we will never understand in this life? Is it the proof of His power and kindness in using the pain and suffering and brokenness in this world for His glory?

Did He really need our son to accomplish that?

It's beyond me.

Another friend recently told my mother that, when he and his wife suffered through two miscarriages many years ago, as well as the pain of never being able to have children, God moved them from all the 'why?' questions to 'what?'... as in, 'what do You want us to do with this?'

So God, 'what?'

Somehow, in some strange way, our friends' comments are helping me tonight.

A quote from Brennan Manning... "The seldom-stated truth is that many of us have a longing for God and an aversion to God. Some of us seek Him and flee Him at the same time."

I get this, especially that last part. I seek Him because He is my source of comfort. I flee Him because He has allowed this pain.

It's all really confusing and... contradictory.

Gospel Coalition Conference Videos

2009-04-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

If you have the time and you're looking for something really good to chew on, check out the videos from the recent Gospel Coalition Conference, which was held in Chicago April 21-23.

Featured speakers were, among others, Tim Keller, John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney and D.A. Carson. I watched Session 1 this morning... a message by Tim Keller on discerning, exposing and destroying personal, religious and cultural idols... very eye-opening, thought-provoking and challenging.

I was planning to go to the conference but ended up not being able to... I'm so glad for the technology that allows such wide access to these sorts of events.

On My Mind : 42909

2009-04-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

A thought...

There are no guarantees in this world... check that... the only guarantee is that God will never leave us or forsake us... even when - not if, when - it appears that He has, He hasn't.

A few quotes...

[The Furious Longing of God, Brennan Manning]

"Is your own personal prayer life characterized by the simplicity, childlike candor, boundless trust, and easy familiarity of a little one crawling up in Daddy's lap? An assured knowing that the daddy doesn't care if the child falls asleep, starts playing with toys, or even starts chatting with little friends, because daddy knows the child has essentially chosen to be with him for that moment? Is that the spirit of your interior prayer life?" (44)

[a simple prayer] "Abba, I belong to You." [a powerful transformation] "The greatest gift I've ever received in my life in Jesus is the Abba experience. I can only stutter and stammer about the life-changing power of the Abba encounter." (46-47)

Update : 42309

2009-04-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

This is an extremely difficult post...

This past Saturday evening Nicol began to have some issues related to the pregnancy, so we immediately went to the ER. I am terribly... saddened, disappointed, sickened, distraught and stunned to tell you that she has miscarried. I don't have it in me to share with you much beyond that right now, other than to say she is doing okay physically, aside from the effects of the natural process her body must go through.

I would simply ask, as I have so many times before, that you pray for us. We really need that.

This is a bitter pill to swallow.

April 16, 2003

2009-04-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

You probably didn't know this about Nicol and I...

Late in the afternoon on April 16, 2003, we got in the car and drove to the county clerk's office in Williamson County (TN), applied for a marriage license, asked for a recommendation for a justice of the peace (and got one, Ms. Mary Mills, a retired school principal), drove to her home in Franklin, and exchanged our vows.

Yep, we eloped!

Tomorrow we will celebrate our 6th anniversary... so hard to believe. I definitely married above myself and I often tell people that as talented as Nicol is vocally, she is a far better wife and mother. We have certainly been through a lot together in these six years and we have faced things neither one of us ever thought possible. I'm so glad she's my wife. She's given me an amazing daughter, a precious (and terribly missed) son, and the wonderful anticipation of yet another child. What gifts. She takes me as I am, all the quirks and flaws, and she loves me anyway. She has shown strength and faith that amaze me in the wake of losing our son. She is intelligent and gifted and she's one of the most humble and compassionate people I've ever known. She's a pretty amazing woman.

Solomon said it well... He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Happy anniversary Scoob... I love ya... thanks for everything you've brought into my life... you are a gift!

Strides for SIDS 2009 Mom-Olympics!

2009-04-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

In the very early days after we lost Luke, we received a package in the mail that included a few books dedicated to the subjects of SIDS and grieving the loss of a child. We had no idea who this package was from, but it was helpful and we appreciated it even though we were totally numb from the shock of what had just happened.

Periodically, we have received additional similar packages from the same people who sent that first one. Their names are Ladd and Stephanie Williams and they lost their son, Jacob, to SIDS in January 2007. They also have a daughter, Abigail. You can read more about them and their ministry on their website, Tiny Handprints. They have been a tremendous encouragement to us and I know they have helped many, many families throughout the country.

I'm writing to let you know that this Saturday, April 18, the Williams and Tiny Handprints will be hosting their very first fundraising event, Strides for SIDS 2009 Mom-Olympics, at The Avenue in Murfreesboro, Central Park (in Tennessee). Please click here for more details, including a description of the event, a flyer, a map and directions, and contact information in case you have questions.

Nicol and I will be there and we are looking forward to the experience!

M286

2009-04-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

M286 = Matthew 28:6 = HE IS RISEN!!!

We are still in SoCal and have had a great week... in San Diego this weekend... Nicol sang at Maranatha Chapel last night and this morning... definitely a church to check out if you live here or just happen to be in the area... this is the fourth or fifth time we've been to MC in the past several years and it's always a treat to be here... the people are amazing and San Diego, well, it's pretty amazing too.

Wanted to share these videos with you from Nicol's soundcheck yesterday afternoon...

And just for fun, here's Summer trying to get the elephants' attention at the San Diego Wild Animal Park... also a phenomenal place!

On My Mind : 4809

2009-04-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

Was remembering this morning a statement that a Catholic sister made to a friend of mine some time ago...

"The problem with you Protestants is that you're in too much of a hurry to get to the resurrection and you rush right on past the cross." (or something to that effect)

A similar statement from an Easter message we heard a few years ago in Chicago...

"You can't have the resurrection without first tasting death."

So true...

The point from both of these statements draws out one of the profound both/and's of our faith... lose your life and you'll wind up finding it, find your life and you will have lost it... but dying is so, so, so difficult... or maybe it's just me?... it seems to me that we are more willing to receive the "benefits" of resurrection power than we are to embrace the death-of-our-flesh part... and I think that God in His kindness understands... Jesus certainly seems to: "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

And so He died...

Don't rush past the cross.

Random : 4709

2009-04-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

We are in SoCal for the week...

Here's a pic of Summer, taken on Sunday (Apr 5) at the Crystal Cathedral. Nicol was singing there and Summer just HAD to have her make-up done like Mommy. Debbie, CC's make-up artist for the past 27 years, was kind enough to take the time to put a little lipgloss on her. She thought she was pretty big stuff! :-)

We had a great experience at CC. The people there are fantastic... everyone we met and spent time with was incredibly welcoming, humble, helpful and accommodating. Nicol and I did a brief interview with Dr. Schuller and then she sang "Resurrection." If you happen to catch the service on TV or the web, you will see Summer make a couple of grand entrances onto the stage... I'll leave it at that and let you see for yourself... she was pretty cute.

We spent yesterday (Monday) at DisneyLand and it was a lot of fun to see Summer there. We took her the last time we were out here, in October 2007, but she was probably too young at the time to really enjoy it (I think it was probably more fun for us) and she was certainly not old enough to remember anything about it. I got a bunch of pics and videos this time and will post some here when I get them downloaded.

More later...

By the way, Nicol is feeling good... not sure if I've already asked for this, but one of the things we have been praying for is a pregnancy that does not include severe nausea... with Summer and Luke she was sick 24/7 until about 18 weeks... ugh.

Thank you for praying.

Update : 33009

2009-03-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 17... Tough day. As you know, this was a dreaded day as we faced Luke's birthday for the first time. It was hard. We went to his grave with my parents and were joined there by Todd, Angie and their girls. I don't even know how to describe it to you. So many emotions. So awful. So wrong. So painful. STILL SO HARD TO BELIEVE. I think we were there for about an hour... maybe a little more than that... not really sure. We placed flowers on Luke's grave. We wiped away the dust and dirt that had been blown onto his marker. We sat in silence. We talked and caught up on life. Abby, Ellie, Kate and Summer ran around and laughed and played. We enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and warmth of the nearly-spring day. We remembered Luke and shared some stories. We circled around his grave, hand in hand, while Todd prayed. And then we left.

I guess it's what you do in situations like this. What else is there to do?

As difficult as that day was, the entire week really, we know many people were praying... we sensed those prayers, we were strengthened and encouraged by them, and we were able to get thru those days in large part because of them. Thanks to all of you who were part of that outpouring on our behalf. God was faithful to listen and kind to act. We are grateful.

Saturday, March 21... I was in the living room with Summer and my parents when I heard Nicol calling out to me from the top of the stairs, "Greg, can you come up here?" By the time I started up the stairs she had already disappeared. I found her standing in the middle of the bathroom with a wonderfully familiar look on her face. I looked over at the vanity and saw something else that has become a familiar sight over the past few years... a home pregnancy test.

So let me just cut to the chase... Nicol is expecting! We confirmed the HPT with a visit to the doctor the following Monday. I hadn't planned to share the news here this soon, but I decided to do it anyway because the way I see it, there's no reason to wait. Yes, these early weeks are critical. Yes, things can go wrong. Yes, maybe it's best to wait a while. But THAT is exactly why I am sharing this with you... so that you can celebrate with us and, especially, so that you can pray.

We would be - as always - so thankful for your prayers. This news has a bit of a bittersweetness to it. Bitter because it tears at ours wounds as we miss Luke so much and continue grieve his loss. Sweet because... the precious gift of new life... what more can I say?

More Fun

2009-03-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

Love these commercials too...

Fun Stuff : 32209

2009-03-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

March Madness 2009 has not disappointed... in addition to great game action, it has featured some really good commercials... below are two of my favorites... the first one is just silly and fun... the second is fun as well, but it's also a sobering reminder of how quickly time flies with our kiddos.

Our Little Man

2009-03-16T22:14:00.003-07:00

Here are some of the very first pictures I took of our little man, Gregory Luke Sponberg, on the evening of March 17, 2008.

* * * * *

Lukey, just minutes after delivery... actually, at this point we knew his first name was Gregory but we didn't decide on 'Luke' until about two hours later (incidentally, we chose Luke because of it's meaning - 'one who brings light'... hence, 'light your world')... anyway, I remember thinking 'hurry up already and get some clothes on him, it's freezing in here!'... of course, the nurse probably could have finished her job sooner if I would have stopped interrupting her with all sorts of questions... I can also remember walking back and forth, making several trips between Luke and Nicol, seeing if he was okay and checking on her as she went thru all the normal post-op stuff related to the c-section... she wanted me to stay with him so that he wouldn't feel alone, so that he'd have a familiar voice nearby... she was SOOOOO brave that night, more beautiful than ever, and totally thrilled with the arrival of our son.

One of my favorite pictures of Luke... so peaceful... such a gift... truly a sacred moment.

Big sister and baby brother... she was so cute with him from the get-go... wanted to hold him all the time in those early hours after his birth... and as you can see, he didn't mind!

* * * * *

We miss our little man so much,

we have missed out on many beautiful moments and milestones over the past 10 months,

we will miss out on countless more as the days and weeks and years go by,

we have learned things about ourselves and others and life and God not otherwise possible.

We remember him today,

we celebrate his 71 days with us,

we should be having his first birthday party,

we will visit his grave instead.

This feels so wrong,

this is not what we ever envisioned or planned for,

this is unimaginable heretofore,

this is why we are grieving with hope.

* * * * *

We would love to read stories about how Luke's beautiful life has impacted you... if you knew him in any way, or even if you only know of him thru this blog or because someone told you about him, please share with us how he has touched you or someone else that you may know.

Classic Summer

2009-03-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we were backing out of our parking spot after lunch when Summer noticed this rather dirty pick-up truck.

So, what do you suppose our imaginative little one's question was? Well, I won't waste your time... you'd never guess it anyway.

Here ya go:

"Is that - (long pause) - peanut butter on that car?"

Of course. [ :-) ]

Sorry, I know these stories may get a little old for some, but they are priceless to me.

Spurgeon : The Way to Joy

2009-03-05T07:10:00.000-08:00

[ On Psalm 19:8a, the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart ]

"It is true ... there are excellent truths in [other writings], but yet they are far short of [the Scriptures]. Those may comfort against outward trouble, but not against inward fears; they may rejoice the mind, but cannot quiet the conscience; they may kindle some flashy sparkles of joy, but they cannot warm the soul with a lasting fire of solid consolations."

[ Source: www.spurgeon.org/treasury ]

"little miss matched"

2009-03-04T14:40:00.000-08:00

This morning we were visiting Summer's favorite toy store and we came across this interesting display. At first my mind was trying to come up with some ways that this may be representative of life and, while there probably are some parallels that could be drawn, I'm not so sure there's any real need to. Just let it be what it is... fun, interesting, unique... even if you're an "STJ" like me. (Google "Myers-Briggs personality profile" if you're not familiar with the "STJ" thing)

As you can see, nothing matches... and you have to pay for it... and, in my mind, that's the genius of "little miss matched." Anyway, the mis-matchedness of the flip-flops is obvious. The socks? No pairs in this line... instead, you buy packs of three single socks... each, of course, being a little different from the others. There are shoelaces too and they come in pairs, but they are, you guessed it, totally contrasting in color and pattern.

No, we didn't buy anything. It would create problems for my "STJ" self. Okay, not really, but Summer did go thru a phase several months ago when she wanted to wear different shoes at the same time... her favorite combo was a sneaker on one foot and a sandal on the other... and, yes, I let go of my dumb hang-ups and actually found it quite endearing... but she outgrew that pretty quickly... her thing now is pants or jeans or leggings under dresses and skirts... and she's pretty adamant about it... I'm telling you, this kid likes to style it up!

Ok, so how can I not mention just one life parallel?

I kind of feel like we're all somewhat preoccupied with "matching" everything perfectly, i.e., presenting ourselves in such a way as to give the perception that we've got everything together. And yet, if we're honest, we are more "little miss matched" than Prada or Armani or Kenneth Cole or Claiborne or Ralph or whatever.

I wonder how much our stress levels would subside if we would just adopt Summer's fashion whims when it comes to how we present our mis-matched selves... just let us be what we is... and, please, forgive the grammar.

Did You Know : 3309

2009-03-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

James Madison, at the Constitutional Convention of 1787, proposed the plan to divide the federal government into branches... Executive, Legislative, and Judicial.

The source of his plan?

Isaiah 33:22 --

For the LORD is our judge, [Judicial]

the LORD is our lawgiver, [Legislative]

the LORD is our king; [Executive]

He will save us.

By the way, Madison was our fourth President and is known as the "Father of the Constitution."

On My Mind : 3209

2009-03-02T16:02:00.000-08:00

I went to see you today

Except you weren't there

But you were

And that's why this is all so dreadful

We miss you so much

We love you so much

We can't wait to see you again

A moment that won't come soon enough

The wound in our hearts is still fresh

Like the earth that covers your grave, yet covered with grass

The grief remains, at times, raw

Like the frosty, wind chilled air this morning

I remember your sweet smile

On the morning of the day you left us

I remember how it brought me to my knees

And I kissed your precious cheek

Your smile will never leave us

Your eyes still talk to everyone who sees your pictures

You are such a gift

Even though you're gone

I know you are well

More alive than ever

Daily... embraced by your Father

Daily... kissed by the Savior

I miss you son

Momma does too

Your sister as well

You are always, always on our hearts and minds

One day I'll see your sweet face

One day I'll kiss your precious cheek

One day... a much anticipated embrace

And time will never run out

Summer and I went to a basketball game the other day

With your Uncle Todd and your cousins

I missed you there

It wasn't the same without you

It's been almost a year since you came to us

How can it be?

You left much to quickly

We love you son

See you soon

I'm No Economist But...

2009-02-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

One afternoon several months ago, Nicol and I were sitting on the couch doing some casual reading. I didn't know the title of her book but, as she often does, she was sharing blurbs from it as she whizzed thru it, paragraph after paragraph, page after page. She's one of those annoying people who can sit down with a book, thumb thru it in about an hour or two and know with a great deal of accuracy the author's basic premise, as well as most of the significant details therein. And if you ask her about it, like, 3 years later, she STILL remembers many of the details. Honestly... it bugs me... a lot. No one should be that smart. [ :-) ]

Anyway, that's not my point. As she was spouting off fact after fact and statement after statement, I asked her what she was reading. "It's called 'The Coming Economic Earthquake,'" she replied. So, naturally, I asked her who wrote it and she told me, "Larry Burkett, in 1991." "1991?! What?!" I asked/blurted out. "Yes."

The reason 1991 was so surprising is that what she was reading to me was so eerily similar to, if not exactly like, what was happening at that time with our economy. Remember last fall, when The Fed was lowering interest rates, Wall Street was sinking like a lead balloon, banks for falling apart at their financial seams, and the once-booming housing market was plummeting? I could not believe that this writer, Larry Burkett, had so accurately described the economic conditions that we were witnessing at that time, and have continued to experience to this day... and I'm not sure we realize just how significant this "recession" or "downturn" in our economy really is.

Below are links to a two-part interview conducted in 1992 by James Dobson (founder and chairman of Focus on the Family) with Larry Burkett (deceased; was co-founder and chairman of Crown Financial Ministries). It was re-aired by Focus in October 2008.

These interviews are well worth the 55 minutes or so that it will take to listen to them in their entirety. I would highly recommend that you check 'em out. Much to my regret, I am finding just how undereducated I am on this issue, and I am convinced that we can't ignore it, nor can we avoid educating ourselves on it because the problem is so significant that it simply will not allow itself to be ignored for much longer. It has crept up on us and it has the potential to destroy our country as we have known it. This is serious and this country's sovereignty may hang in the balance. As extreme as all that may sound, I do not believe that it is extreme at all... I believe that it's an accurate description of what we are facing. To be sure, only history will be able to inform us as to the severity of all this, and I'm definitely not making any predictions here, but we had better wake up, educate ourselves, and get as prepared as possible for what lies ahead.

The Coming Economic Earthquake - Part 1 of 2

The Coming Economic Earthquake - Part 2 of 2

Why is this such a big deal? I'm no economist, and I'm certainly not a finance guru, but I can do basic math, and it seems to me that we are in a heap of trouble when it comes to our future... both economically and generally speaking. I don't consider myself an alarmist by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't think those who know me do either, but I believe that we are in for some drastically difficult times... and given the fact that I've never wanted for ANYTHING in my life, I don't have the first idea what "drastically difficult times" means... and that concerns me.

Here are a few statistics that Burkett shared during his interviews with Dobson...

in 1980, the federal government owed $700-800 billion
in 1990, the federal government owed $3 trillion
in 1992, the federal government owed $4 trillion
today, the federal government owes in excess of $10 trillion, possibly as much as $12 trillion

The point? The federal deficit has grown exponentially over the past 3 decades. And this year alone it is projected that we will have a federal budget shortfall of $1.75 trillion.

Let me put that in perspective for you... and I think the figure below is correct... you can play with the numbers at bankrate.com... it's very possible that I've got this messed up somehow, so please let me know and I will stand corrected... these kinds of numbers are surely not what I'm accustomed to dealing with... whatever the case, this stuff is mind-boggling.

If you amortize $1.75 trillion (the projected federal budget deficit for this year) over 1,000 years (that's right, a thousand years!) at 1% interest (good luck finding that rate; having said that, I have no idea what our government gets for interest rates on its loans) you'll be paying $1,458,399,820.88 per month. Basically, that's $1.5 billion every single month. Told you this is scary stuff. And keep in mind that $1.75 trillion only represents the coming year. We've got another $10-12 trillion on the books. Think about that for a minute.

But here's where it goes from bad to worse: we can't afford our current payments and yet we continue to borrow more. Check out these stats from Burkett, which reflect the percentage of taxes paid by every taxpayer that went toward paying the interest on the national debt (interest only, not principal).

1991 = 40%
1995 = 75%
2000 = 100% (as projected by Burkett; he passed in 2003)

The bottom line? As Burkett said in 1992, "we are creeping our way to the point where our government can't borrow enough money to pay our bills."

Here's where we are today folks... borrowing money to pay the interest on our debt... and eventually we won't even be able to borrow enough to pay the people we owe... interest or otherwise. Not a good situation.

All this is precisely why all this talk of "stimulus" and "bailouts" should concern us all. Borrowing more on top of what we already owe is a recipe for disaster. Again, I'm no economist, but if someone owed $8,000 in credit card debt (which, incidentally, is the national average) who in their right mind would encourage that individual to borrow another $1,000 with the hope that it would somehow, in the long run, help them to pay off that debt? No one would do that because it wouldn't work! And yet, fundamentally, that is exactly what our government is doing.

Burkett was onto something 17 years ago. His book was a NY Times Best Seller. Many took note of his warnings, but many others dismissed his work out of hand, calling him an alarmist. It's understandable how people could dismiss and ignore what he had to say back then - 1991 - but now, in 2009, with everything that has taken place in the past 6 months and with the projected indefinite continued downturn in the economy, we had better at least give this serious consideration. Hopefully it's not too late.

The concept driving my concern is both biblical and practical... the borrower is servant to the lender. (Proverbs 22:7) Whereas the U.S. was once the lender, we have become the borrower, and that is dangerous territory. In many ways, we are at the mercy of those to whom we owe this money.

Let me try to end this on a positive note with a much-needed dose of biblical perspective...

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6:34, The Message)

On My Mind : 22609

2009-02-26T09:36:00.000-08:00

Read this yesterday morning... pretty much knocked me between the eyeballs... one of those needed reminders, yet one that is also painful to receive... sort of makes you analyze things.

The real test of the saint is not preaching the gospel, but washing disciples' feet, that is, doing the things that do not count in the actual estimate of men but count everything in the estimate of God. Paul delighted to spend himself out for God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. We come in with our economical notions - "Suppose God wants me to go there - what about the salary? What about the climate? How shall I be looked after? A man must consider these things." All that is an indication that we are serving God with a reserve. The apostle Paul had no reserve. Paul focuses Jesus Christ's idea of a New Testament saint in his life, not one who proclaims the Gospel merely, but one who becomes broken bread and poured out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for other lives. [ Source: Oswald Chambers ]

===============

"Summer-time"...

Last Sunday morning, while at a hotel in Atlanta, we were getting ready for the day when Summer picked up the phone in our room and struck up a conversation. Nicol heard her but thought she was just playing around, talking to another imaginary friend. "I'd like to order a pizza please." And then, "Do you have any Froot Loops?" And, finally, "Yes, she's right here." and she proceeded to hand the phone to Nicol. Somehow, she had managed to find the front desk call button and was actually talking to one of the ladies there, who understandably asked, "Is your mommy there?" So Nicol had to explain everything to the woman. But that's not all. A few minutes later Summer got back on the phone and called the front desk again, this time saying, "I'd like to talk to Lilly and Lise please." (Lilly and Lise are her cousins in Maine who, of course, were not available in the lobby!)

Later that day, we drove to Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Airport to catch a flight. I dropped off Nicol and Summer at check-in and went to park the car. When they got to the counter, Summer stepped up onto the baggage scale. Nicol noticed the agent suddenly begin to laugh out loud. Assuming Summer had said something, Nicol asked the agent what happened. The woman said she asked Summer how old she was, to which Summer replied, "I'm gonna be 3 in May." Guess the agent wasn't expecting that answer. Yep... she's 3 all right... going on 23!

Until another time, see ya later alligator... or, as Summer said the other day, "Adiós alligator!" :-)

Follow-Up to "Where's Rock Obama?"

2009-02-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

This is a follow-up to the "Where's Rock Obama?" post from February 19...

[ I hope that you'll understand why as you continue to read thru this, but I deleted the original post and inserted it below, in blue, so that any discussion on this subject can be found in one place. ]

So, Summer has given us a lift in the past couple of otherwise heavy days... this one takes the cake, though.

(Summer) "Where's Rock Obama?" (don't you love it, "Rock" Obama)

(Me) "Do you mean, Barack Obama, the President?" (holding back laughter)

(Summer) "Yeah, he's so funny!" (with a chuckle)

(Me) "Do you like him?" (adding my own chuckle)

(Summer) "No, he scares me." (rather emphatically)

Hmmmm..... I think this kid may be on to something.

My primary concern... I don't want anything to detract from the purpose for which this blog exists... that being to let people know that grief and brokenness can and do coexist with joy and hope.

I started this blog in order to share the greatest pain Nicol and I have faced thus far in life... losing our son, Luke, to SIDS. In telling his story I've wanted to encourage others who may have experienced an identical or similar loss. I've wanted to let people know that in the midst of horrific, devastating heartache, we have found God to be more real and present than ever. I've wanted to offer my best explanation as to why I believe it's worth fighting thru the painful circumstances that come our way... after all, who is exempt from dealing with pain... and who, at some point, hasn't find themselves so low, so seemingly hopeless, so full of doubt that it's a struggle to just get out of bed in the morning? Mostly though, I've wanted to offer hope to those who have been wounded in a way that has changed their lives forever.

I have tried to be open, honest, and real about our journey... both of the awfulness of our grief and the indescribable wonder of our hope. I have invited people into our world, into the very life of our family. I have found, overwhelmingly so, that Luke's story has indeed been a source of comfort and encouragement to a lot of people. And more than that, I have found that in sharing God's faithfulness to us, many have embraced their freedom to grieve and process in their own way and according to their own needs... and some have found the strength just to make it thru another day.

My primary concern? I don't want to inhibit or squelch any of the good that God can do as we try to honor Luke's life.

That said, here are four promises... First, I'm going to let my "yes" be yes and my "no" be no. No swearing of oaths. No embellishments or superlatives. No begging or pleading for anyone to believe me. No all-caps, bolded, italicized, double-underscored explanations. Just my word and the hope that you will accept what I have to say as truthful.

Second, I will not make this personal. There will be no verbal assaults or character assassinations. I'm not looking for a fight, argument or debate, but I welcome healthy, productive and respectful discussions with anyone who is interested in the same. While I realize that everyone may not be in agreement, which is totally okay, I think that even in disagreement we can be respectful of one another.

Third, I intended nothing insensitive or inflammatory whatsoever in the "Where's Rock Obama?" post. I did not mean to offend anyone... that was the farthest thing from my mind. I was not trying to be disrespectful toward President Obama. And I was certainly not trying to convey anything in the way of a racist attitude... directly, veiled, or otherwise.

Fourth, I can assure you that the only thing I intended to do was let you in on a story, as I have many times before on this blog, about our 2-1/2 year-old daughter... a story about something she said that my wife and I found to be cute and funny.

I can also assure you of this... to read anything into that post other than that is simply not accurate.

My explanation... I'm not sure exactly which part of the post people object to. Maybe it's the "Rock" Obama part? Surely it's not the "he's so funny!" or the "do you like him?" lines. So I'm guessing it all centers around the "no, he scares me" and the "hmmmm... I think this kid may be on to something."

Let me explain... first, the "no, he scares me" part. Given the fact that on at least two occasions Summer has said, "I love Rock Obama. He's so silly." I doubt that she had any sense of what she was saying with regard to her "he scares me" statement. And, folks, come on, we're talkinig about a kid who isn't even 3-years-old yet. I took it as one of those random things little kids tend to say. Nothing more, nothing less. Sort of like some other things she said last week, e.g., "Barney and BJ and Baby Bop and The Wiggles and Miss Patty Cake are my cousins." Totally random and totally cute and funny... to me at least.

I want to come back to this part, but first let me talk about my comment that "I think this kid may be on to something" because the two are actually related. All I can say on this is what I've already said... there was not a hint of racial overtones or undertones in this statement. Not even close. I did not consciously or, in retrospect, subconciously have our President's skin color in mind when I wrote that. Again, this whole thing was nothing more than an innocent exchange.

Two acknowledgements... First, let me come back to the "he scares me" and "I think this kid may be on to something" comments.

It is entirely possible, if not likely, that Summer has heard me, Nicol, or both of us say "he (President Obama) scares me." Let me explain...

Throughout the entire election process, there were things about each and every candidate that scared us... things we didn't agree with or like. So when it comes to our President, it has absolutely nothing to do with his ethnicity and everything to do with certain aspects of his policy. I don't support everything he supports just like I don't support everything Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid or, for that matter, George W. Bush or John McCain support.

Some of President Obama's policies scare me because I don't think that they are good for our country... plain and simple. Again, it has nothing to do with the fact that he is African-American and everything to do with the fact that I think some of his positions are detrimental to this country. That doesn't mean I'm racist, it means I have chosen a different position. There's really nothing more I can add to that.

As for the "I think this kid may be on to something" comment, well, in my mind, as I just explained, some of Obama's policies are scary to me and so, when my little girl said what she said, I thought it fitting to respond as I did. It was tongue-in-cheek. It was meant to be funny. It was not serious. Perhaps it was in poor taste, and to every reader who found it to be so, I sincerely apologize and ask for your forgiveness. But please know that I meant nothing hurtful or offensive.

Second, I want everyone to know that I do not deny or dismiss or take lightly the reality of racial, ethnic, class, socioeconomic, sociocultural, etc. injustices in this country and, for that matter, around the world. In fact, if you'd like, you can read my January 19 post in which I wrote, among other things, this statement: "despite our political differences, I am thankful for Barack Obama." And I remain thankful for him and, yes, most every night before we put Summer in bed, either Nicol or I pray for him... as our President, that God would give him wisdom and protect him and his family and whatever else may be on our mind about him.

Back to my point though... history is rife with examples of injustices and prejudices that exist for no other reason than the ethnic origin of their subjects. No one can deny that and, certainly, no one should dismiss it. To do so is perhaps that greatest injustice of all. Human beings are quite naturally prone to looking at outward appearances rather than the inward substance and inherent worth of the person. Who can say that is not the case? Who can claim to never have done that? I most definitely have been guilty of making value judgments against people based on their appearance. I'm not proud of that, and I hope that I have and will continue to grow in this area, but it's true.

So let me wrap up this section with this... while I did not mean to offend anyone or communicate a disrespectful attitude toward our President or even hint at anything racial, I do understand why some would assume that I was.

Below is a quote by Michael Emerson (Ph.D., Sociology) that may help you understand where I'm coming from. Emerson is part of the faculty at Rice University in Houston and he teaches courses in race and ethnic relations, religion, and urban sociology. He is a respected author and leading expert on the subjects he teaches and writes about.

[Describing a family vacation in Sicily, where they saw Mt. Etna, he said] We were struck by its calm beauty, but we were also reminded by our tour guide that we were standing on the most active volcano in Europe. Just a few months after we left, Mount Etna erupted with such force that it could be seen from outer space. It has erupted several times since. Appearances can often be deceiving.

Race relations in the United States are like this. Often, on the surface, this nation’s mosaic of racial and ethnic diversity can seem beautiful and even awe-inspiring. People of every conceivable background working hard to achieve their goals in this free land.

But this nation is a racial volcano. We know we have had major eruptions in the past, killing and scarring many. But like tourists to Mount Etna, we often assume that such eruptions are only in the past, that below the surface is calmness, not a boiling cauldron that must erupt periodically to release pressure.

The United States has never gone very long between eruptions. Yet, not long after each one, many tend to think that should do it. The last vestiges of hot lava have flowed.

We completely misunderstand race relations when we take this view.

This is a great reminder to me that race relations are an ultra-sensitive subject and that is why I can understand why some were offended by the "Where's Rock Obama?" post. Having said that, however, one has to make some very significant assumptions about me and my intentions in order to draw any conclusions regarding my character, the way that I live my life, the authenticity of my Christianity, and whether or not I am racist and likewise instilling the same mentality into my daughter, all of which were based on an innocent story in a blog post. Please don't throw out the baby with the bath water.

A request... I would be happy to discuss this further with anyone who so desires, but I don't want to do it in this forum. As I said earlier, that is not the purpose of this blog. But, please, feel free to email me at gsponberg@yahoo.com with your feedback and/or questions or whatever. And remember, I'm not looking for a fight, argument, or debate, but I'll always welcome healthy, productive, respectful discussions.

On a related note, I want to reach out specifically to those who took exception to the "Where's Rock Obama?" post. I think there were 5 of you, but given that there were 5 it's quite possible there were more who didn't appreciate it but chose not to comment. Whatever the case, one of the frustrating things about these comments is that I have no way to respond to them except here, publicly. Since I think it's more appropriate to sort these things out privately and directly, I would appreciate it if you would email me at the address provided above. One of you has done that and I look forward to our dialogue (thanks M.M.).

Grace and peace to all.

Grief... A Troublesome Creature

2009-02-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

... we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

I've read this verse many times over the past almost 9 months... thought about it far more... talked about it to a lesser extent... even preached from this passage once.

It was the theme of Luke's committal service.

Its message has in many ways become our life's motif.

Grieving with hope.

Though I am holding on to the hope that is promised, I have not "felt" very hopeful of late.

I guess that's part of what happens with the loss of a child.

This grief thing is a troublesome creature.

It forces me like nothing else ever has to live in the tension of unbelief and belief, uncertainty and certainty, sadness and gladness, brokenness and redemption, bitter and sweet, anger and calm, fear and courage, weakness and strength, despair and hope, darkness and light.

This concept of grieving with hope is rife with paradoxical realities.

I find that speaking and thinking about our loss is both cleansing and caustic. It just depends on the day... the moment really.

The tears that fall have the same effect... they open and purify the wound but they also prompt the realization that this wound will always weep because there is no getting over an injury like this.

The reminders of shattered dreams and hoped-for-things are all too frequent. They are as certain and unwanted as taxes coming due. They are anticipated and dreaded like a trip to the dentist. They lurk and then surprise like a thief. They taunt and they haunt.

This grief thing is a troublesome creature.

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;

heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.

My soul also is greatly troubled.

But You, O Lord - how long?

(Psalm 6:2-3)

God's Love Never Quits

2009-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

Psalm 136 was part of today's reading in the Book of Common Prayer. (If you'd like, click here to read.) Every verse in this psalm contains this wonderful reality... God's love never quits.

A fitting thought on Valentine's Day!

Here are a bunch of other ways of saying it...

His lovingkindness is everlasting.

His steadfast love endures forever.

His mercy endures forever.

His loyal love endures.

His love is eternal.

His love endures forever.

His faithful love endures forever.

God's love never fails.

His love continues forever.

His love never quits.

What a great thought to meditate on...

This is Summer...

2009-02-08T20:29:00.001-08:00

This is Summer on the night before our weekend road trip... she was "going night-night with my friends."

This is Summer on the first day (Thursday) of our weekend road trip... she had just bought a special gift from Cracker Barrel with her Christmas money from Grammy and Grampy... a new purse, complete with a camera, mp3 player w/headphones, and a flashlight... and check it out, they all actually work!

This is Summer about one hour into the final day (Sunday) of our weekend road trip... a little bored, obviously... or just so into her Miss Patty Cake DVD that she mistook a marker for make-up... or maybe she was just tired of using the coloring book?

This is Summer about one hour and five minutes into the final day of our weekend road trip... and we drove for 7 more hours after this little episode... you should have seen her by the time we got home... the marker was pretty much either washed or worn off by that time, but she was TOTALLY fed up with being in the car for so long.

By the way, our little adventure took us from Nashville to Chattanooga to Atlanta to Augusta (GA) to Winnsboro (SC) to Charlotte to Asheville to Knoxville and back to Nashville... and we stopped in 5 of the 7 places not called Nashville... 1,092 miles according to the odometer... yes, we're a little tired, a good tired though... it was a great weekend... met some amazing folks from Trinity on the Hill UMC of North Augusta, SC and had a chance to catch up with some wonderful friends, Lance and Jenny Lou... was great to be with y'all!!!

Many, many thanks to everyone who was praying for us...

The Varsity Ain't Five Guys

2009-02-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

We are on the road this weekend... Nicol is singing at a women's retreat... and I'll be trying to keep the details together (for our part of the weekend at least).

Our travels today took us thru downtown Atlanta, so we stopped at the famed "The Varsity" for burgers. It was our first visit. In case you have never been and you're in ATL sometime, it's located just off the I-75/85 exit for Georgia Tech (and I think they have several other locations as well). I would recommend going just for the experience alone... it's a pretty cool place... I think a sign there said they've been in business for 80 years... that's very impressive, but more so than that, according to a brochure Nicol read, they use/make 1 ton of onions, 2500 pounds of potatoes, 5000 fried pies, and 300 gallons of chili EVERY DAY!

We had heard about it from a lot of different people and had passed by it several times but just hadn't ever taken the time to stop. My impression? While it was fun to go there, let me just put it this way... it ain't Five Guys... and I'll leave it at that... but we did enjoy ourselves.

If you think of it, pray that this weekend would go well and also for an event that we have coming up on Monday and Tuesday. Along with Todd and Angie (Smith), the four of us will be sharing our stories of losing Luke and Audrey. We're looking forward to it (in a weird sort of way I guess) but it will be difficult too. Brokenness and Redemption (the story of this journey) will be the themes for the two nights.

On My Mind : 2309

2009-02-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

Imbalanced

Yesterday's post included a very hurtful comment that was made to me soon after we lost Lukey. I am so very thankful for the kind and encouraging words that have been shared with us today. Those responses have reminded me that, by far, the majority of things that have been shared with us over the past 9+ months fall on the helpful side of things... no doubt about that. But it's so easy to remember the discouraging, hurtful words and to lose sight of the fact that we have in many ways been sustained by the thoughtful, grace-filled, and loving verbal embraces that have been streamed our way... from family and friends and acquaintances and even complete strangers... it's been remarkable.

So I am reminded of the need to keep things in perspective, to try and remain balanced in my thinking, and to not allow myself to be tangled up in the enemy's web of lies... because, the fact is, the harmful words have been greatly outweighed by the tender ones.

A Theory

I've had a theory for some time that came back to me late this afternoon while out for a run... which, by the way, took place in temperatures that were hovering around 20 degrees... made me run faster.

Anyway, I've noticed throughout my adult life that when I put on weight, it seems to settle right around my mid-section... you know, STS, the Spare Tire Syndrome. (I'm guessing that I'm not alone here.) The reality is, it wasn't an issue for me until I transitioned from competitive athletics to recreational/leisure activities... which occurred when I was about 20 years of age... and it included a lot of golf which, doesn't exactly induce much in the way of sustained elevated heart rate or the development of any kind of significant cardiovascular fitness.

The problem at that point was that I continued to eat as though I was still burning massive amounts of calories every day. So, obviously, I packed on the pounds. Then, at around age 25 or 26, I got into running and by the time I was about 28 I was pretty much addicted to it... to the tune of 25-30 miles a week. So, obviously, I trimmed down and was perhaps as fit as I ever have been... and I once again enjoyed the unbelievable luxury of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

Then I got married... and I suppose you know what that means. I was a full-time grad student and on the weekends I traveled with Nicol when she was out singing... all of which translated into no time for exercise and the re-development of some extremely poor eating habits.

All that to say this... between the ages of 25 and 35 my weight fluctuated between 205 and 260. The point? Like I said at the outset, I've noticed that my "trouble spot" is my waist-line... when I put on weight it tends to start there and keep on expanding from there.

The theory? My sin "trouble-spots" are much the same as the weight trouble spot I just described in that I struggle both continually and in different seasons of life with certain sin issues. In other words, just as my belly is a trouble spot with regard to carrying extra weight, so are certain specific areas of sin a problem which, when fed or ignored, can get out of control in a hurry. In the same way that I have to be intentional about reaching and maintaining a healthy weight thru diet and exercise, I have to be consciously aware of my specific struggles with sin and I have to be intentional about the daily fight that I face.

Does this make any sense?

The good news, of course, is this...

In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. -Hebrews 12:4

Jesus took care of that part. We struggle with sin, but He struggled to the point of death so that our struggle is not in vain.

Hallelujah!

On My Mind : 2209

2009-02-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl

Great game... I could leave it at that, but I'm not going to.

How in the WORLD did Arizona NOT catch #92 James Harrison and tackle him before he ran back that interception 99 or 100 yards or whatever it was just before halftime? Seriously. Do anything... trip him, jump on his back and make him carry you down the field... whatever... just don't let him get to into the end zone. Must be easier said than done.

And PLEASE... Curt Warner was passing the football on that last play... it was NOT a fumble... at least not according to these 20/200 eyes (and no, that's not very good vision, but still, even I could see that)... I can't believe they didn't review that play. What an anticlimactic ending... except if you're a Steelers fan.

Oh well... it WAS still a great game to watch.

Physical/Emotional Correlation

Is there a correlation between the physical and the emotional?

More specifically, in what ways are physical and emotional healing similar? Different? How do we tend to approach these journeys/processes? What are the expectations we place on ourselves and others when it comes to healing?

Just thinking and wondering... b/c two weeks after we lost Luke I had someone tell me that we "need to move on"... and I have to be honest here, it still makes me furious, and it still really hurts.

Would we ever tell anyone to just move on... who is recovering from surgery, or had just been seriously injured in a car wreck, or was suffering with a chronic illness, or simply had a bad case of the flu... obviously no, we wouldn't and we don't tell people who are suffering physically that they "need to move on"... we tell them to take there time b/c there's no rush... just get better.

So why do some people think it necessary to sweep emotional carnage under the carpet and move on and pretend it's not there? As if we can do that... come on.

Sorry if I sound bitter about this... I guess I am.

Mid-Life Crisis?

Nicol and I have been looking for a second car lately... and I'm wondering if my inclination to get something fun to drive and sporty and sleek is in any way indicative that I'm peeking thru the door of a mid-life crisis. I'm kidding... kinda... the thought did cross my mind.

Believe me, I don't know how this stuff works (and please, correct me if I'm wrong) but at least women get hot flashes and stuff (right?)... so they know something is up. Maybe the desire for a cool set of wheels is the male equivalent of the hot flashes women experience?

Who knows?!

No offense... I'm just thinking here.