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One of the things we have been so grateful for during the past 19 months are the kind words and prayers of family, friends and a whole lot of folks we don't even know. These blessings are touching, strength-giving and much appreciated. Thank you so much...
Sadly, I have yet more disappointing news. Nicol miscarried on Thursday. Physically, aside from the normal affects of miscarriage, she's doing fine. Emotionally, both of us are pretty sad.
It's just really hard to believe.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Latest
I know it's been forever since I've posted anything by way of an update. The reality is, I just haven't had much to write about... better said, there has been a lot on my mind, but I haven't had the desire to share much of anything. Just shooting straight with you.
That's REALLY bad for maintaining interest in your blog...
Anyway, there are a couple of things I want to share. First, Nicol miscarried again in October (as you may remember, she miscarried in April as well). You might think of April as a right hook, with October being the left uppercut that buckled our knees and sort of left us in a heap. I say "sort of" because we were rocked, no doubt about it. But God, as He has been over and over again, has been so kind and gracious. Can't deny that it's been pretty rough just the same though.
The second part of this update - and incredible news at that - is that on November 4, following several days of unusually excessive fatigue (for Nicol, not me! :)), we found out that she was expecting AGAIN! We were pretty much dumbfounded... mostly because we didn't know that it was physiologically possible to conceive so soon after a miscarriage... as a matter of fact, Nov 4 was just 25 days after Nicol miscarried... do the math, it doesn't really add up, but like our friend Lindal says, our math obviously isn't God's math... so somewhere in there I like to think a miracle happened.
We are thrilled and so thankful. Nicol's due date is July 15 (she's almost 10 weeks along). She's had minor nausea so far, which is a BIG change from Summer and Luke, when she was sick 24/7 all the way up to 18-19 weeks. Honestly though, we are relieved every time it hits her because it seems to indicate that things are okay. Since her doc says that every pregnancy is different, there's probably not a lot of substance to my theory. Whatever the case, I hate the sickness for her, but oddly enough it's a relief for both of us. AND the other piece of good news is that each of her ultrasounds have shown that the baby has a "happy, healthy, strong" heartbeat (as her doc says). We hadn't seen a heartbeat in April or October, so it was a massive praise when we saw that little heart pulsating on the monitor for the first time just a few weeks ago.
I am reminded yet again that conception and life are gifts from God. When we got pregnant with Summer, it followed a significant amount of time during which we were "leaving it up to God," if you will. Same with Luke.
And then, when we found out Nicol was expecting last March, we thought it was a special blessing from God (and every pregnancy is), but still... it was like He hadn't forgotten us, like He was reminding us that He was with us in the devastating pain of Luke's death. And then we miscarried.
And then, September rolled around and we didn't know what to think or how to feel... we were, honestly, afraid and reluctant to get our hopes up, to engage too deeply with the idea of a new baby because we knew there were no guarantees. But as every parent knows, it's impossible NOT to engage with anticipation the new life being formed within. And then we miscarried.
And then, when the news of another pregnancy came about 8 weeks ago, quite predictably, we were thrilled and we were scared and we were ecstatic and we were hesitant to let our hearts engage the idea of a new addition to our family. And so far, everything is fine.
I remember the afternoon we went to the hospital for Luke's delivery... c-section, actually. The shift nurse, as she checked Nicol in, shared with us that her 5 year old daughter had recently been diagnosed with cancer. "How on earth do you deal with that?" I thought. I realized that all along I had taken for granted the good health of our own daughter.
I also remember praying just before Nicol went to the OR that day (and this was in light of Todd and Angie and everything they were going thru with Audrey)... I remember praying, "God, we don't take this baby's health for granted." Yes, yes I did. And ten weeks later we lost Luke. Indeed, I did take our son's well-being for granted. Didn't dream his life would be so short. But how could I have? What parent would?
Why all the background information? Because, while I am much more aware today of the fact that there are no guarantees with this baby, I have to admit that there's still a piece of me that takes God's kindness and grace for granted. Perhaps the greatest difference is that, lately, I am far more likely to stop in my tracks and say, "Thank you, Jesus. You are amazing and beautiful." when we receive a good report from the doctor, or when He drops these blessings in our lap, or just because I am reminded how good and faithful He has been and how desperate I am for Him in my life.
So guess what? I'm going to ask you once again for your prayers and I thank you in advance for them! We need them more than you can imagine...
One more thing... here's a recent pic of our little princess. Talk about a blessing.
That's REALLY bad for maintaining interest in your blog...
Anyway, there are a couple of things I want to share. First, Nicol miscarried again in October (as you may remember, she miscarried in April as well). You might think of April as a right hook, with October being the left uppercut that buckled our knees and sort of left us in a heap. I say "sort of" because we were rocked, no doubt about it. But God, as He has been over and over again, has been so kind and gracious. Can't deny that it's been pretty rough just the same though.
The second part of this update - and incredible news at that - is that on November 4, following several days of unusually excessive fatigue (for Nicol, not me! :)), we found out that she was expecting AGAIN! We were pretty much dumbfounded... mostly because we didn't know that it was physiologically possible to conceive so soon after a miscarriage... as a matter of fact, Nov 4 was just 25 days after Nicol miscarried... do the math, it doesn't really add up, but like our friend Lindal says, our math obviously isn't God's math... so somewhere in there I like to think a miracle happened.
We are thrilled and so thankful. Nicol's due date is July 15 (she's almost 10 weeks along). She's had minor nausea so far, which is a BIG change from Summer and Luke, when she was sick 24/7 all the way up to 18-19 weeks. Honestly though, we are relieved every time it hits her because it seems to indicate that things are okay. Since her doc says that every pregnancy is different, there's probably not a lot of substance to my theory. Whatever the case, I hate the sickness for her, but oddly enough it's a relief for both of us. AND the other piece of good news is that each of her ultrasounds have shown that the baby has a "happy, healthy, strong" heartbeat (as her doc says). We hadn't seen a heartbeat in April or October, so it was a massive praise when we saw that little heart pulsating on the monitor for the first time just a few weeks ago.
I am reminded yet again that conception and life are gifts from God. When we got pregnant with Summer, it followed a significant amount of time during which we were "leaving it up to God," if you will. Same with Luke.
And then, when we found out Nicol was expecting last March, we thought it was a special blessing from God (and every pregnancy is), but still... it was like He hadn't forgotten us, like He was reminding us that He was with us in the devastating pain of Luke's death. And then we miscarried.
And then, September rolled around and we didn't know what to think or how to feel... we were, honestly, afraid and reluctant to get our hopes up, to engage too deeply with the idea of a new baby because we knew there were no guarantees. But as every parent knows, it's impossible NOT to engage with anticipation the new life being formed within. And then we miscarried.
And then, when the news of another pregnancy came about 8 weeks ago, quite predictably, we were thrilled and we were scared and we were ecstatic and we were hesitant to let our hearts engage the idea of a new addition to our family. And so far, everything is fine.
I remember the afternoon we went to the hospital for Luke's delivery... c-section, actually. The shift nurse, as she checked Nicol in, shared with us that her 5 year old daughter had recently been diagnosed with cancer. "How on earth do you deal with that?" I thought. I realized that all along I had taken for granted the good health of our own daughter.
I also remember praying just before Nicol went to the OR that day (and this was in light of Todd and Angie and everything they were going thru with Audrey)... I remember praying, "God, we don't take this baby's health for granted." Yes, yes I did. And ten weeks later we lost Luke. Indeed, I did take our son's well-being for granted. Didn't dream his life would be so short. But how could I have? What parent would?
Why all the background information? Because, while I am much more aware today of the fact that there are no guarantees with this baby, I have to admit that there's still a piece of me that takes God's kindness and grace for granted. Perhaps the greatest difference is that, lately, I am far more likely to stop in my tracks and say, "Thank you, Jesus. You are amazing and beautiful." when we receive a good report from the doctor, or when He drops these blessings in our lap, or just because I am reminded how good and faithful He has been and how desperate I am for Him in my life.
So guess what? I'm going to ask you once again for your prayers and I thank you in advance for them! We need them more than you can imagine...
One more thing... here's a recent pic of our little princess. Talk about a blessing.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
ChristmasCare : 2009
Celebrate Christ's birth this year by giving a gift to someone you might not otherwise give to... a co-worker, boss, neighbor, complete stranger, personal physician, bank teller, firefighter, police officer, public official, school teacher or administrator, homeless man or woman, family in need, etc., etc., etc. We did this as a family last year - the first Christmas since losing Luke - and it helped make a very difficult season a little more joyful. Give it a try.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
This Can't Be Ignored...
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me
because He has anointed meto proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovery of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
--Jesus, Luke 4:18-19
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Stone at Shechem
(From Joshua 24)
God's faithful kindness...
He kept every promise He made to Abraham.
He delivered His people from slavery in Egypt.
He rescued them.
He destroyed their enemies.
He went out ahead of them.
He gave them victory.
He prepared a land for them.
He gave them that land.
Joshua's charge...
Obey, serve and worship God
Have spiritual integrity
Be loyal to God
Leave the gods that your ancestors worshiped
The peoples' response...
We will not worship those gods!
We will NEVER abandon the LORD!
How could we? Look at everything He's done for us!
Joshua's warning...
You WILL forget and you WILL turn away from the LORD, despite ALL He has done for you.
The peoples' declaration...
No way, we WILL serve and obey God!
The Stone at Shechem...
Is a reminder of Israel's allegiances sworn to God; it is a witness against them if turn from God and serve other gods.
= = = = = = =
Some things never change... God is faithful and we struggle.
Great intentions tend to get lost in the shuffle of life... We are committed to God yet we inevitably deny Him in one way or another.
We too need a Stone at Shechem...
O to Grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
(Come Thou Fount)
Ken Davis & The Law of the Pendulum
Just read a review of Lord, Save Us from Your Followers. I saw a screening of the movie a couple weeks ago. The review addresses one of the thoughts I had after seeing the movie... the idea of churches in America sort of going back and forth in terms of trends, emphasis, etc. The word "pendulum" came to mind.
Several years ago I heard Ken Davis tell this very funny, yet poignant story about the Law of the Pendulum. Below is an excerpt from his book - How to Speak to Youth ... and Keep Them Awake at the Same Time - and tells that story in his own words.
In college I was asked to prepare a lesson to teach my speech class. We were to be graded on our creativity and ability to drive home a point in a memorable way. The title of my talk was, “The Law of the Pendulum.” I spent 20 minutes carefully teaching the physical principle that governs a swinging pendulum. The law of the pendulum is: A pendulum can never return to a point higher than the point from which it was released. Because of friction and gravity, when the pendulum returns, it will fall short of its original release point. Each time it swings it makes less and less of an arc, until finally it is at rest. This point of rest is called the state of equilibrium, where all forces acting on the pendulum are equal.
I attached a 3-foot string to a child’s toy top and secured it to the top of the blackboard with a thumbtack. I pulled the top to one side and made a mark on the blackboard where I let it go. Each time it swung back I made a new mark. It took less than a minute for the top to complete its swinging and come to rest. When I finished the demonstration, the markings on the blackboard proved my thesis.
I then asked how many people in the room BELIEVED the law of the pendulum was true. All of my classmates raised their hands, so did the teacher. He started to walk to the front of the room thinking the class was over. In reality it had just begun. Hanging from the steel ceiling beams in the middle of the room was a large, crude but functional pendulum (250 pounds of metal weights tied to four strands of 500-pound test parachute cord.).
I invited the instructor to climb up on a table and sit in a chair with the back of his head against a cement wall. Then I brought the 250 pounds of metal up to his nose. Holding the huge pendulum just a fraction of an inch from his face, I once again explained the law of the pendulum he had applauded only moments before, “If the law of the pendulum is true, then when I release this mass of metal, it will swing across the room and return short of the release point. Your nose will be in no danger.”
After that final restatement of this law, I looked him in the eye and asked, “Sir, do you believe this law is true?”
There was a long pause. Huge beads of sweat formed on his upper lip and then weakly he nodded and whispered, “Yes.”
I released the pendulum. It made a swishing sound as it arced across the room. At the far end of its swing, it paused momentarily and started back. I never saw a man move so fast in my life. He literally dived from the table. Deftly stepping around the still-swinging pendulum, I asked the class, “Does he believe in the law of the pendulum?”
The students unanimously answered, “NO!”
Davis' point is this: don't listen to what people say about their faith, watch what they do. My thought, as related to Lord, Save Us from Your Followers and trends in the Church, is that the Church shouldn't mimic the pendulum, i.e., it's primary emphases shouldn't swing from one side to another in reaction to cultural trends and generational preferences. Rather, just as the pendulum is in perfect equilibrium while in its static state (resting still in the middle), the Church will find perfect biblical balance while while resting on the perfectly balanced truth of Christ... grace AND truth. We tend to go back and forth. Grace. No, no, no. Truth. No, no, no. Grace. No, no, no...
John 1:14 says, the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
The perfectly balanced message of the Church? Grace and Truth. One without the other is an incomplete, inaccurate picture of Christ. One without the other leads us and others astray. One without the other can never truly transform a life.
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