Friday, July 3, 2009

A Revelation

It struck me this morning that it's been awhile since I last posted. So when I checked the date of my last post, it wasn't really all that surprising to see that my most recent log-in was almost one month ago. Sorry to be so out of the loop and out of touch, but it's actually been a much-needed respite... not that writing is really all that taxing... the past year, however, has obviously been an indescribable emotional drain... and one more thing on the to-do list has been more than I have cared to think about lately.

All that said, here's a little update for you and a revelation I had the other day...

--We are doing okay, whatever that means. It's still up and down. It sometimes feels like we should be further down this road than we are. And then we remember the words of several individuals/couples who are further along in this journey than we are, folks who have told us that it took them 3 or 4 years just to sort of turn a corner, for life to begin to feel a little bit normal again. We also remember that we are and from here on out always will walk with a limp, so today may be pretty good, tomorrow may be pretty good too, the next day may be yuck-ville, the next day may be even worse, the day after that may be fantastic... and I am once again reminded that our journey is all too difficult to describe to those who have not experienced the same pain and virtually impossible to predict.

--Our house... it STILL hasn't sold. :-( We did have a showing today though (which went well, but the couple wants to think about it... famous last words!), and another couple will see it on Sunday (pray about that for us!). Don't know what else to say. We are waiting, hoping, praying, trusting... and trying not to be anxious and fretful (is that a word?). Any creative selling ideas???

--The revelation... the other day I was talking to Summer about sharing her toys with some her friends (she had had a hard time with that concept the day before!) and she quite emphatically said, "But I don't want to!" I went on to say all the predictable things... about how it's the right thing to do, that it's important to treat other people like we want to be treated, etc., etc. And then Jesus' words in John 15 streamed into my mind: "...apart from me you can do nothing." Yes, as a father I need to teach Summer the what's, when's, where's, why's and how's of life. But as important as those things are, it is equally (more?) important to remind her that Jesus will help us do the things He asks us to do if we will just ask Him for that help. I can give the rules and expectations, but if I don't point her to the only One who can help her, if I don't stop right then and there and say hey, let's ask Jesus to help with this, I will fail her as a dad. I know this isn't a new revelation to you all, and I know that most of you probably figured this out a long time ago, but it clicked for me the other day for the first time in relation to my role as a father... and it also reminded me of the desperate need I have to do the same thing in my own life with regard to the things that I respond to with an emphatic "But I don't want to!"

--One more thing... if you have the time, check out this Eugene Peterson article: "The Cure of Souls"... it's more than 25 years old and it's about pastoral ministry, but it's well worth the time for anyone to read... pastor or not. And it's themes are strongly related to what I've just written here re: my revelation.


Megan said...

you might enjoy the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" is along those lines as well

Happy Mama said...

Your "revelation" was a good one! It reminded me of how I should handle similar situations with my little guys. This parenting stuff is tricky!

A quick thought on selling your house. We had a house that was a rental property for sale for a year and just finally sold it last month after deciding to auction it. I don't know what the market is like in your area or if you have a reputable auction company nearby, but it might be something to look into. We auctioned ours with no reserve, which meant that it could have gone for $1. We ended up selling it for $30,000 less than we owed, but we were able to absorb that cost and at least it sold! Obviously, your financial situation comes into play because if that's risk that you can't take, then you just can't do it. God is always faithful though and He knows our needs. Nonetheless, I will pray for a sale of your house and of course for your hearts to continue to heal as you walk this journey.

In His Grip,
Ashley Unverferth

Michelle from Missouri said...

Thanks for the update and letting us know you all are fine. I know how time can get away from you. Praying for you all always.

Glenn said...

I just passed 4 years since our youngest son was lost to SIDS, and I help moderate a bulletin board for bereaved parents. There’s really no way to sugarcoat it, as you said there’s always a limp. It’s just not the natural order of things, and it shakes us to the core.

These days we do normal family things with our living children, but our Nolan is always in our thoughts as we press on (great Selah song). I sometimes think of it as walking along a road with a number of holes. The holes are pits of pain or despair. As time passes, the holes are fewer, and we get better at spotting them and walking around them, but we will inevitably step into some of them.

Kristy said...

Yes, I did need that revelation. I need to be reminded that unless I point my children to WHO can change them, and help them with the things they can't do, or don't want to do, I am failing them.
I do pray that you and Nicol have more fantastic days than not.
Praying for your friends, for them and their little girl.

Mel said...

Thought provoking! thank you.