Friday, October 17, 2008

Rest

At the risk of sounding like a broken record...

Forgive me. I apologize, but today stinks. Actually, so did yesterday... and the day before that. I would prefer to use stronger language than 'stinks'. Stronger? Nah, just honest... I would prefer to use more honest language, words that would help you understand what is going on inside of me. But I'll spare you that.

I am tired. I am weary. I am heavy laden. I am in need of rest.

I reflect on Jesus' words come to Me. I have done that... over and over. I did it yesterday. I did it this morning. Yes, there's nowhere else to go... and I do mean nowhere, I think I've mentioned that before... so to Him I will continue to run... but this is so dreadfully difficult.

I read the Psalms, sometimes one after the other after the other after the other. Yes, it's food for me, it's a lamp that gives light to this darkness... and yet I sometimes feel like I'm starving and I sometimes want for just a flicker of light. I read of the God who is ever near, ever able to deliver, ever listening... and yet sometimes I don't feel those things or see the results I'm desperate for. I read of the God who is a stronghold, a refuge, a shield... and yet I feel tormented and beat up and cut down by my enemy. I read of a God whose way is perfect... and yet I struggle to understand what feels to me like an imperfect plan. I read of the God who gives wide places on which to walk so that my feet won't slip... and yet I feel like I'm easing my way across a sheet of ice. I read of the God to whom David cried out, why have You forsaken me?... and I ask Him the same question. I read of the God to whom David said, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel... and I have to remind myself that I will never understand why Luke had to die, that I believe and yet I wrestle constantly with my unbelief, that this God is good, and that this life is oh so difficult...

I am grieving because my wife is torn up. She continues to fight back feelings of guilt and remorse. She misses her boy.

I am grieving because Wednesday was National Remembrance Day, or something like that... a special day for parents who have suffered the unthinkable, a day to remember and honor the children they have lost. Nicol wanted to go to a candlelight service, but I just couldn't do it. Maybe next year. Afterall, we're not in that club, are we? Oh yeah, we are. No, no, no, seriously, there's no reason for us to go, right?. That's for other parents, not us. Oh yeah, it is for us. Ok, ok, let's go and maybe we can somehow comfort a family or two. Oh wait, we need to be comforted too. But I just couldn't go.

I am grieving because... the unthinkable has happened... my son has died and I want him back.

I am grieving because this world is broken and its brokenness is constantly displayed on a ginormous HD Jumbotron, complete with a state of the art sound system whose volume is maxed out... dimentia, Alzheimer's, congestive heart failure, breast cancer, infidelity, adultery, selfish husbands, selfish wives, failed marriages, abused women, abused children, thanklessness, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, Amber Alerts, pornography, sexual addictions, lust, corrupt politicians, suicide, murder, power-hungry leaders, hypocrisy, starvation, HIV/AIDS, anger, dissension, contentiousness, bitterness, greed... you name it.

I am grieving. I am broken. God, our redemption draws nigh, please get us thru this. Jesus, please give us rest.




57 comments:

Maggy said...

Dear Brother and Sister in Christ, there is now words that I can share to ease your burden, the only thing that I can say is that I will pray for you, if someday I will have to confront the same loss that you have now, I can say that I will make the same questions that you have, and I don't know how strong I could be.
For your sweet wife my prayers that the Lord can provide for her what her heart needs at this point.
How strong is the love of a mother and father for their babies, is hard I know to remember that we are God's kids too.
I am crying for your loss because it feels like mine too, please remember we are praying without ceasing for you and your family.
Love in Christ.
Maggy

Jill Garcia (Smith) said...

Greg & Nicol,
You don't know me but I have been following your blog since the very beginning, through Angie's blog. I have never lost a child who has graced this world with it's presence, but somehow I am deeply affected and feel compelled to respond to this post. I can't imagine the heartache you are feeling right now, the anguish, and deep pain in your soul, so I will not try to write comforting words because I know each person responds to them differently. Just know that as a fellow believer, and soon to be parent, I am praying for you and with you, that the Lord would graciously fill your heart with peace, comfort, and overwhelming joy that only He, our mighty Savior, can and will provide.

The one thing I will say, in addition, is, do not stop feeling whatever you are feeling, the greiving process is different for all of us, and the Lord can and will use your specific grief in some way to honor and glorify him, no matter how deep your pit is. God bless you and your family.

Much love as a sister in Christ,
Jill Garcia
Dallas, TX

THAT GIRL said...

Pain like this is "untouchable." Sometimes so untouchable, it seems even Jesus, Himself, cannot reach it.

He can reach it.

I'm sorry that it hurts so bad.

Mandy and Jack said...

There are no words. So I'll just pray.

georgia tarheel said...

Sponberg Family-

It is unimaginable to me the pain and the grief you have suffered. I do not know it personally; I have only the perspective of a sister who watched her older, wiser sister walk this same path and I have the perspective of a friend who, unthinkably has had to walk beside three friends who have been down this path. The grief and the pain and the questions are "normal" if you ask the experts but it isn't supposed to be YOUR normal.

PLEASE, PLEASE HEAR ME NICOL...there is NOTHING you could have done any different that day. When God created Luke in your womb, He knew the number of days he would spend on this earth. No matter if you had been beside him, or if he had been in your arms, the days and time he was to spend on this earth was already determined. You could not do anything to interfere with that.

I know you have heard that before, and I have listened to my own friends say that someone saying that doesn't change anything. But I also heard them say that when they began to quote that when those thoughts came in their mind, the power of God, which is greater than the power behind those thoughts, began to release a sense of peace and comfort.

I will continue to pray for you guys as the emotions ebb and flow. God truly does love you so so much and He knows the pain and the anger and the hurt. Continue to take it to Him. In the meantime, know that there are many of us standing in the gap for you. Thank you for telling us exactly how to pray for you.

Mare said...

Tears run down my cheeks as I read your post. I am so sorry this is so painful. I hope you both understand this is not your fault, and there was absolutly nothing you could do.

A while back I did a post on suffering...so much suffering that we just can't understand "Why"

It's difficult to understand Gods purpose in our suffering, not to mention how extremely painful it is.

I included the following scripture in my post:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

Lean on him! I will keep you and Nicole in my prayers.

God bless,
Mare

Ashley-Michele said...

I have been following your story thru Angie's. Your Luke shared my birthdate and I also gave birth to a son on 03/31/08, whom we almost named Luke. I have had two miscarriages which were followed by the birth of two healthy children. I was comforted not in the replacement of another child, but by the fact that as I look at this child, for instance my son born in March, I miscarried earlier in the year before he was concieved, He is suppose to be here! As sad as I was/am, I will always grieve for the two that I could not carry to full term, I know that he was put here on this earth for a reason. If I had not lost the others, I would not have him as well as my daughter. Yes I would have another child, but I do believe these are the ones that Our Heavenly Father knows can handle these days here on earth and the others are called home to do work on the other side. My sister also lost a baby at 6 months in utero in 2005. She had a baby 02/08. Again even with the tears of their baby almost three years ago, I look at my nephew and think, he is suppose to be here! They only wanted 3. I have kept everything that was given to me for the other 2 babies and believe someday that I will get to share these things with them someday! Once in awhile I still get them out an hold them and I lost my first in 2004. I do pray that peace will come to your family. I firmly believe that you will see your Luke again one day and that he is busy doing the Lord's work on the other side!

Michele

created2teach said...

I wish I could rememebr the details of the people's lives who wrote It is Well With my Soul and He Keeps Me Singing. It seems to me like both were ministers. The man who wrote It is well lost some of his family at sea. When he passed thru those waters, he penned that song. When sorrows like sea billows roll, it is well with my soul... The other guy lost his entire household, and when he walked thru the ashes, the Lord put in his heart, "THere's within my heart a melody, Jesus whispers sweet and low, fear not I am with thee, peace be still, in all of life's ebb and flow." How could he say, "Keeps me singing as I go?" How? How do we keep singing when our hearts are breaking? We just do. We do because we need Him to dwell where we are. We do because He inhabits our praise. We do because He created us to, and when we do what we were created to do, He sends peace as only He can.

Lord Jesus, sweep through Greg and Nicol with your peace that passes understanding. Help us your people to be instrumental in bringing them some kind of comfort. Peace can only come from You. Help us to rest even thou' we will not know all the answers until You take us HOME! Even so, come quickly.
In Jesus's name. Amen

I don't know how I can love strangers. It is another one of His miracles. I love you both and hope you feel His arms of comfort.
Blessings

FinlaysonFamily said...

I pray for you and your beautiful family every night since the birth of my son. I think of your loss and I am amazed at the strength that you have to go on and praise the Lord through all of this. I have been blessed by your honesty in your questions for the Lord and I know that His grace will be sufficient...eventually. God Bless.

Celie said...

Sponberg Family.
My heart hurt and knows the place you are at. Nicol I was listening to your praise song on your myspace. This is what will help your strength to continue to praise in this season. Lean on your fathers strength when weakness prevails around you. Take every thought captive to his word. Let not your mind take control bring you low. Its hard to know how and what to do with the sorrow that consumes but God is bigger than even our sorrow. Run to him for strength with the thought that want to overcome you . God will give you the power to overcome in his time. We see just how weak we are our strength is gone at a time as this. Healing will come in time. Psa 27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.


He a banner of love that covers us to overcome the broken heart threw the strength of the comforter. We can joy in the liberty we have in Christ to delivers us from the sorrow that captures us. Continue to joy in the hope set before you dear ones the eternal presence of God . God gives us the assurance of a peace beyond our mind to understand.

He gives people for such a time to lift and ask God to give strength. As Mosses need to have his hands held high praising God to continue to clam victory. When he grew tired and weary Aron and Hur went to him lifting his arms to declare the Sovereign God . Christ our source of the victory, courage, truth to overcome by the power of the word. in the battle. Know you have a people he has given you to raise your hands in weakness. There are a number of followers lifting your family hands praising God for strength to press on. Never not reach out telling us how we need to be praying.
Give this family rest as only you can provide a peace and strength for this battle in there journey.Keep there eyes fixed upon you. Col 1:23 That they continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope set before them. In Jesus name Amen


Come Lord God come

In Christ Celie

Anonymous said...

Nicol,
God's arms are around you through this horrible time. I don't understand why God took Luke home but I do know that it wasn't because you did or didn't do something. Yes, I know you think you could have prevented this but God was there, He didn't turn his head and then it was too late, no, He was there and saw everything that was happening that night. He knew from the moment of creation that Luke would go home to heaven that day, no matter what you did or didn't do. Satan tells you these lies to make you blame yourself. Talk back to Satan, tell him you will believe the Lord who is holding Luke, not the evil deceiver.
Sweet Nicol,I've never met you but I love your music. Please know I am praying so hard for you to reject those lies of blame and guilt. God loves you so much. Hang in there.
Nikki

Leesa SM said...

Sponbergs,

There are just no words. No words. I know, Greg, that it is so hard for you as protector and provider of your family to witness Nicol go through this. All I can do is pray that the Lord gives me a portion of your pain, so that your load will not be so heavy.

What are the lyrics of that particular Chris Rice song ... something about an angel needing you tonight .... those words came to mind about Nicol as I read your words.

Please keep sharing with us through this blog. It is such a brave thing to do, and each day I look forward to seeing a new post to witness your strength and to hopefully pray more specifically. We love you so dearly

Mattam said...

Thank you for your honesty! My family is praying for your!

Ashley Beth said...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Lord, we come to you with broken hearts for these fellow believers who are so broken right now. Lord, we do not understand your ways, but we lean on you knowing that you are good and pure and holy. Father, we pray for peace for Greg and Nicol, oh Lord, we pray for peace that transcends all understanding. Be the calm in their hearts Lord and the light in this dark place in their lives. Comfort them with the knowledge of your strong and able hands holding their sweet Luke until they are one day reunited with him. On that fine day, Lord, they will dance in your presence and never know another moment of sorrow. Strengthen their hearts until that moment and use brothers and sisters like us to help carry their burden and walk along the path with them. Thank you, Father, for loving us more than we can understand. Above all, thank you for sending you Son, Jesus Christ, so that we might bring these petitions before you and know you eternally. It's in His precious name we pray, Amen.

I'm praying for you daily as though you were my own family.
In His Grip,
Ashley

Anonymous said...

I pray tonight to hold some of your burden for you even if I can't know your pain. I think Angie said it best when she talked about asking God to bear someone's pain. I have been praying for your house to sell, wanting some burden off of you, and forgetting to pray for your daily struggle to just exist. I'm sorry I failed you, but I will be nose in the carpet for you tonight praying you will be squeezed tight in the arms of the Lord. No words can express, but know in the worst, ones that don't even know lift you up in prayer and are thinking of you tonight.

Anonymous said...

When all around has fallen your castle has been burned
You used to be a king here now no one knows your name
You live your life for honour, defender of the faith
But you've been crushed to pieces and no-one knows your pain

Come, come lay your weary head be still my friend
Come, rise I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, rise with me

When tomorrow has been stolen and you can't lift your head
And summer feels like winter your heart is full of stone
Though all your hopes have fallen your skin is now your only armour
Wear your scars like medals defender of the faith

Come, come lay your weary head be still my friend
Come, rise I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, come lay your faithful head, be still my friend
Come rise with me

"When all around has fallen" by Delirious?

Praying for rest for you and Nicol today...

Stacy D said...

Oh Greg, I could have written your words myself. It is unthinkable, te grief is real, and it more than just stinks.

Praying for you, Nicol, and your precious little Summer...

~ Stacy

The Morris Family said...

It's just one scripture at a time, step on, wait until the next, it's a journey that is unthinkable, but I am here to say that the same exact feelings and hopelessness was so deep in my heart as I miss my Joel 1/23/07, but God is faithful, he is there, he will walk with you through this shadow of death!! God's providences are for our good and his glory, I know those are mere words and they did not even phase me, but it was almost a year later and the turning point for me came, it was at that time that I started resting instead of wrestling...that time will come for you too...stay in the word, pray and do what you know to do...He is there!!! On my blog a few posts back I made an entry on Gardens, Crosses and Graves, I am not a great writer but that morning I feel like the Lord showed me these scriptures and it was so encouraging to my heart.
Cindy
Cindy

Anonymous said...

Dear Greg and Nicole,

We hear your words and empathize. We lost our little baby on Sept. 3, 2008. We have been in contact with Angie as the diseases were very similar, that Audrey and Eliana had. We are choosing to continually throw ourselves at the Saviour's feet but sometimes we have to make ourselves get up out of bed. We didn't know that the ache would be a literal physical pain. We have two other children and can't throw the towel in just yet. Luke, Audrey and Eliana have touched many lives as well as the power God is bestowing on us, though we would rather pass this cup. I am obviously having a brief moment of grace right now as I feel the pain rising. All this to say, we don't know you, though I have listened to Selah for a while now, but we love you, pray for you and anxiously await the return of our King and the reunion with our little one's- a reunion that will never be disrupted.

j77walker@hotmail.com

Jeremiah and Jessica Hutcherson

Anonymous said...

Greg -
I find myself reading your post and I am hurting like you and your family. I lost my son unexpectedly in July. He was only 23 days old. I struggle with my faith everyday. Some times I have good days and then other days well, you know. Each day I wake up and I have to keep reminding myself to keep my eye on the cross and that is all I can do right now. Thank you for posting your feelings - it helps me to know there are other people feeling the same way. Praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

dear sweet Lord,
please Lord, make yourself known to nicole and greg in their grief in this very moment. merciful father, gather up their tender wounded hearts,
and let them feel you... The road of mourning does not end on this side of eternity.Nicole and Greg will not reach the end of heartache.They will not arrive at “all better”.
But you have a companion on this road who has traveled it himself. Who, alone, makes the road bearable. although the journey does not end it does head toward something. There is due north. And the compass points to the love of Jesus Christ. The further traveled, the greater the understanding. Never attained, but closer still.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge
Ephesians 3

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
I Corinthians 13

Warrick Farah said...

Hi guys, we just received your blog address from Katrina. We are in the Middle East but we still think of you a lot. I(R) wrote your sister recently to somehow connect with you, but I'm not sure she received it.

We're praying for your healing in the Lord.

Greg, W misses you.

With much love,
-R&W

Deryle Sponberg said...

Leanin'.... This one word seems to mean a lot when understood.When you are  asked to pray,  think of the old deacon who always prayed, Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side. After some people heard him pray that prayer many times, they asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently. He answered, 'Well sir, you see, it's like this...I got an old barn out back. It's been there a long time, it's withstood a lot of weather, it's gone through a lot of storms, and it's stood for many years. It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leanin' to one side a bit. So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leanin' side so it wouldn't fall. Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn. I've been around a long time. I've withstood a lot of life's storms, but No storm like losing Luke. I've withstood a lot of bad weather in life,but none like losing Luke. I've withstood a lot of hard times,and this is the hardest, but  I'm still standing.  But I find myself leanin' to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop me up on the leanin' side, cause I figure a lot of us get to leanin', at times. Sometime we get to leanin' toward anger, leanin' toward bitterness, leanin' toward hatred, leanin' toward cussing, leanin' toward a lot of things that we shouldn't. So we need to pray, 'Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side, so we will stand straight and tall again, to glorify the Lord. Your mother and I love you son, love our daughter-in-law, love our granddaughter more each day, so we ask the Father to prop you all up on the leanin'side.Grampy Sponberg

Heather said...

Greg - Grampy Sponberg sounds like a very wise man. For some reason I find myself drawn to the hurting. I weep as I read of your pain. My husband asks why I torture myself with reading this. Like others I hope that I am bearing some of your load, that the Lord is somehow able to lessen your pain thru me. God not only knew the number of days Luke would have here with you, He also knew the pain you would endure thru losing him. He knows your sorrow - He experienced it Himself when Jesus died. He longs for you to continue bringing your pain to the foot of that old rugged cross - because that is ultimately where your pain and suffering will end - in your salvation - when you reunite with your son in Glory. You know that. You don't need strangers to tell you that. Feel our hearts, we lift you up today.

Tasha said...

Dear Greg and Nicol~I have beeen feeling so frustrated lately about your situation.I have so much love in my heart for you guys.I am frustrated because I would do just about anything to take away the pain you are going through.It is not fair that anyone should ever have to lose a child.I pray EVERY DAY for you.I wish I could do more.My husband and I went to the Selah concert last night.It was a huge blessing to us.We got to meet Todd and Angie and spent quite a bit of time with them.They are such precious people!I love them like I have known them forever.This week I am going to focus on praying for Nicols heart.I will still be praying for all of you but I just feel led to pray specifically for her in a special way.I can't explain it.I guess maybe it's because I'm a mom and I understand the way a mom loves her children.Much love to you both.~Tasha in Indiana

Anonymous said...

Dear Greg,
Having walked thru a similar road over the last year, I understand where you are (but not the depths of it ) - perhaps it would be better to say that I remember being where you are. You pray but prayers seem empty and returned empty, you pour over the Bible and the comfort seems to be held away from you. You have the theology all straight but its in your head and the heart is just screaming out for a measure of comfort and peace.
And I know the cliche that time heals is not much comfort but having been on a similar road, one day the weight will be gone, you heart will feel peace, you will be able to read with comfort pouring into your heart and soul.. and you will be much richer for the entire time you grieved. Keep grieving, keep remembering all those wonderful days you had with wee Lukey, and focus on the joy he brought you individually and as a family.
Joyce
PS I love what grampy said and hope to reflect on that more often

Denise said...

Sending you lots of prayers and hugs

Stacy said...

I'm praying that the Lord lets me carry some of your pain and heartache tonight, so that you and your sweet wife can get some rest, and feel some peace.

I'm so sorry for what you have to go through. I'm going to continue to pray for peace and comfort for you all.

Love,
Stacy
Ohio

Stuarts said...

praying you experience a deep, fulfilling, peaceful rest both physical and within your soul. Also praying for Nicol...

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

Today's Quote

When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.

......HOWEVER......

When the spirit is struggling to rejoice over what is left (your wife, your daughter, your salvation)... THEN FALL AND LET GOD JUST CARRY YOU FOR AWHILE.

I have a really close relationship with my heavenly father. I have yelled at him, even cursed him and told him I hated him. I told HIM I didn't believe in him. Imagine that, telling the thing you aren't believing in that you don't believe??? Pretty silly don't you think?

However, after these fits, broken moments.... me being honest and real, I know my God still loves me as much as he first did.

Greg (and Nicol).... you HAVE that right. You are hurt, you feel betrayed and you want your little boy back. How can you not.

I don't have the words, but I sure wished I had just a little bit of something to say to you, just a little bit...enough to give you a little more piece of faith and hope to get you through one more day and one more night.

My little prayer I often pray is to ask God to shine the moon on someone special a little extra bright. Tonight I will pray that again for you Greg. I pray that God lets you rest tonight ( a good nights sleep). I pray he shines the moon over you just a little brighter and that you may feel his peace inside you.

I mourn for you and all the families in your shoes.... I just can't not imagine ever being on that side of the line and having to experience the loss of a child. A CHILD!!!!

So I have no real words of encouragement, just love, respect, prayer and more prayer to offer you.

I will continue to pray because I do believe in the power of prayer.

God Bless..... and I mean that. GOD BLESS YOU HEART and YOUR FAMILY!!!!

Try hard to not let the enemy get any joy out of the negative thoughts that can creep into your head. At least let him know that there is no space in your life for him. He will not defeat you.

Hope Wilson said...

My heart aches with yours over the loss of Luke...Father, I ask that You continue to walk with Greg & Nicol through their grief. Hold them up, Father. Wrap them in Your comforting arms. Shower them with rest & peace. I pray in Jesus' name that You bind Satan from attacking them with feelings of guilt & regret. Fill them with joy for the blessed days that You gave them with precious Luke. Give Greg & Nicol the strength, courage & determination that they need to carry on this journey before them. Bless precious Summer & please continue to carry this beloved family, Lord. May Your Name be Glorified. Amen.

amydc said...

Continued prayers for your family.

Anonymous said...

Greg and Nicol

I wish that my words could ease some of your pain. I have been praying for you since I read on Angie's blog about Luke.

I am so very heartbroken by what you have been going through and only wish the best for your family.

Please know that you and your family are ALWAYS in my prayers.

Virginia

Anonymous said...

For all of us that read this post - our heart is breaking for you both, and we all wish to be able to ease your pain, and I know I am unable to speak any words of relief. I became a Christian when I was 28 yrs. old. I grew up in a very abusive household. I lived in fear of my father my entire childhood. My memories of that time are almost all sad and painful. Even though I know God was there and He saw, I struggle when I really think about it. He saw my pain and never stopped it - for 15 yrs! The only peace I have is that He knew what needed to happen for me to be the me I am today. He needed to bring me here, and shape me into what He wanted - even though I would have chosen anything else all those years. I pray for you and Nicol to be comforted by God - for Him to do amazing things for you that show He is with you and He sees your pain. I pray for rest for your heart and mind and for your family.

Julie Doody said...

My heart breaks when I read of your pain. As your dad said, keep leanin' on our Savior. He has a plan for your life. Unfortunately no one ever said it was going to be easy. My prayers continue to be with you and Nicol. You are wonderful servants of the Lord and without knowing have touched and helped heal many hearts!!! I pray for healing and grace for you both. It's very difficult to know what to say, just know that I am praying for you all!

Love in Christ, Julie Doody

So Blessed said...

I continue to be a stretcher-bearer on your behalf and lift you to the Lord in prayer...for restoration, for hope, for strength, for courage...for peace as you face these heavy days of grief.

Susie

Julie said...

I know there are no words to take away the pain of losing a child, but know I am holding you close in thought and prayer. My heart hurts for you as I know the pain you are feeling...and hoping to carry some of the burden for you...even if just for a moment.

jablott said...

There are no words I can offer to comfort or ease the pain....but please know that I am praying for God to be near to you, that His spirit would rest so heavy on you that you feel Him today....and in feeling Him and His presence you can know that you are closer every day to seeing your precious son again in eternity....my heart hurts for you today....

JoLewis said...

Greg,
I have been following since day one. Angie and Todd and especially Amy are very close to my heart. I have always wanted to meet you and your wife(kids too). In fact your wife is number one on my who would you like to meet list on Myspace. I am praying I get that chance on Thursday in MI. Please dont tell any of the people listed I may be there, I would like to surprise them. Also, I do not want them expecting me if I don't make it either. I met your mother-in-law last week and she seems as sweet as everyone else. You have an amazing extended family and I am praying for each and every one of you. Greg, you have been so transparent with us here and I appreciate it.I thank God for allowing you to share with us this way. God Bless Jo

Kim said...

It is too hard. Even for me to read much less try to understand. My son was tiny when I first read about Luke. I ran to his room and I held him and I rocked him and I sobbed. I prayed then and over the next few days I was physically sick with grief. I did ask God for a portion of your grief but I imagine that I hardly saw but a glimpse.

I found myself thinking of him, you, Nicole...people I have never met but share the common bond of parenting a son.

I have prayed since then but not visited here. I know this process is not over and oh how I wish it could be. I know there are many who must find refuge in the telling of Luke's story and your precious family's journey.

We will continue to usher prayers while your hearts are broken. Prayers that God does a mending and allows for a reprieve from the pain.

I know He is good. I cling to this truth.

txmomx6 said...

I am praying and thinking of you. I am broken with you, though my broken path is a bit different, but brokenness is brokenness. It's horrible and it's long. But God is here. Always. Even when we don't feel Him.
You are loved.
J

Anonymous said...

So very sorry you are so sad.
I think it is healthy that you are feeling the feelings and not trying to skip over grief.
Your son is beautiful....be sad, what a loss. Yet remain hopeful. Remain in Him. Someday....the loss may not sting as badly.
I will pray to carry some of the grief for your family.
I am sooooo very very sorry this has happened to ya'll.
Blessing and prayers for you today!

sheila said...

I am so sorry the road is so long and so hard. I'll continue to pray for peace and healing. God bless you and nicol and summer. In God's Love, sheila

Andrea Lisk said...

Today I cry with you, and someday I will smile with you, and forever I will praise with you.
Wish I could do more for you than just pray even though I know that's the most important thing I can do for you.

mhutsell said...

Hmmm...yeah...sometimes it all just stinks. No bright spot...no glory to God...no praising Him through the pain...just pain. Praying God brings you out again...and again...and again. M.

Paula Hamernick said...

I am praying for you the many lyrics of the many songs you have sung that have revived my soul and resurrected my heart over and over again. YOu have so often brought me back to the throne of God and I pray that each day you will be brought back and revived to go on one more day.

Yesterday I kept playing I need thee every hour over and over. It is my favorite and I was praying it for you.
Keep crying out. He hears and cares.

Love to you both, and Summer too.

Paula

Wendy said...

HI Greg & Nicol,
I am so sorry that things are so difficult for all of you. It has to be hard to see Nicol in all that pain and not be able to help. I know David has mentioned that before about when I am sick. God will come, and he is there, but you hurt so much that its hard to see that. I had treatment last week and it is National Breast Cancer Month. They were giving out hats and it had a tag with this saying,"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." We pray for you always, and I am happy that God answered my prayers that you are able to go home and I hope get some rest and peace for all of you.
Love ya Bud,
Wendy

Anonymous said...

Dear Greg and Nicol,

I think of you each day, and pray for God's arms to stay firmly wrapped around you both and Summer, and that you'll be able to feel his love continuously.

My boss tells me at least every other day that "Life is just a vapor" -- that seems odd in comparison to what I view a vapor to be, but to the good Lord it is just a vapor.

Hold steadfast in your faith, and continue to run to the Rock!

P.S. I've missed Summer in class on Wednesday nights. I hope that she'll be able to come back soon.

Sorry to post this message here, but I don't know how to get in touch with you any other way.

Laura Wills (Justin and Whitney's mom).

sheila said...

Hi again. We had a small class in Sunday School (3) and we were talking about our situations and about feeling like Christians were being attacked. Mental illness, suffering, cancer, the list went on, and there were only three of us. We prayed and tried to encourage each other, but there was a definite heaviness, a burden that we were each carrying. After sunday school we went into the sanctuary and worshipped together in song. Probably the third song we sang, the Lord got my attention half way through it. We were singing, Chris Tomlin's Holy is the Lord:

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing
Everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown
It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

And together we sing
And Everyone sing

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with his glory

Wow, there I was singing, lifting my hands and I got it. Thank you Jesus for the light. It is good when the Lord gives us a glimpse. It was the phrase 'The earth is filled with his Glory', 'The earth is filled with his Glory', think about that, Isaiah 6:3.
I hope this does not in anyway diminish the hurt and pain you and Nicol are feeling. It was just very personal to me on Sunday and today it still is. These things in life hurt and they hurt deeply and they remain with us, BUT God's glory is all around. I have to choose to think on that for right now otherwise I may lose myself in my situation. God bless you, I hope to encourage you today. In God's Love, sheila

Dee Dee said...

Thank you for your beautiful blog. We also lost a little Luke, and we miss him.
Your baby was beautiful! I am so sorry for your great loss.

Anonymous said...

Help, help, please. God of all Mercy God of all Grace BE GOD as only YOU are while you hold their foreheads over the toilet and they continue to vomit out all that is making them sooo tragically sick. Can they have a break God? I'm sorry, I'm not you, BE GOD toward them. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Help us all to "Hold On" to you as you "Hold On" to them.

Beth said...

It was an honor to see you both in perosn on 10/23 at First Church of the Nazarene.
Your testimony was amazing, Greg. God was speaking directly through you.
Nicol, your singing brought me to tears. I will never forget the words that came directly from you soul. And singing "Hold On" with your brother Todd, watching your family throw their arms in the air, clinging to Jesus.....I am still breathless at the images that are forever etched on my heart. God's presence was evident the entire night. He will never leave or nor forsake us. God is good, all of the time.

Thank you for sharing your story, and for allowing us to carry a part of your burden.
I think of you and pray for you all every single day.

Blessing to you & your family,


Beth Sisler,
Redford, MI
Mommy of Jacob (2) and Wyatt (10 months)

created2teach said...

I see so much of God's love here. I am especially blessed by Grampy. His words caused me to weep. Thank God for parents who love God and are full of wisdom. They feel our pain like no one else. That is why their encouragement is so meaningful.
I also think it is awesome to see so many people come together to fulfill the law of Christ by bearing one another's burdens. My heart aches for you all, and yet my heart is thankful you have a blessed hope and are not living in a hopeless state without the Lord.
Blessings

Angie said...

As always you guys are in our prayers.
Ang

sheila said...

Hi Greg, I was just reading your Laban Ministry blog and saw that you were to speak. I wonder if Satan has been trying to keep your testimony 'under wraps' this last week. Praise to God we serve a risen Savior who is mighty, and strong. He gave you and Nicol strength. How are you feeling today? I pray for peace and love to flow over you. In God's Love, sheila

Heidi said...

Psalm 10:17, “You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, (NIV)

Words aren't enough to show the pain I feel for your family. I am standing beside you as a grief carrier. The tear flow often for you. You remain in my prayers and I thank you for your honest messages, which actually strengthen my faith. May God bless you for all you've endured.

A sister in Christ and one who thinks of Luke almost daily and is anxious to meet him in heaven,

-Heidi

The McEwen Family said...

wow. so raw. my heart hurts. for you. for nicol. Jesus, come.