Friday, January 16, 2009

Quotes from the Marriage Conference

Wanted to share some quotes with you from last week's marriage conference with Dan Allender. (For additional information, go to The Path Less Chosen) If you ever have a chance to hear this guy it would be well worth your time and money. Enjoy. I'll probably post a "Part 2" at some point.

  • "Marriage is... a reminder of what I will never suffer, a reminder of what I don't deserve."
  • "The #1 basis for division in marriage, for separation and divorce is contempt." (Contempt is defined as disdain and scorn; the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; it is anything that vilifies, denegrates, cheapens)
  • "Most differences lead us to contempt, but they are intended to bring us closer." (The end result of which is that a husband and wife see all the good that has been added to his or her life thru their spouse. Differences are meant to help develop deep, sincere gratitud in us.)
  • "Hope is the realm in which evil assaults us with contempt."
  • "The world doesn't need good marriages; the world needs broken, difficult, passionate, marriages."
  • "I am not nearly as bad as I would fear; I am not nearly as good as I would hope." (love that!)
  • "The answer to one's unique calling may be found in the answers to these questions... [1] what makes me cry? [2] what makes me angry? [3] what is my story? [4] what is my 'yes'? (i.e., positive absolutes, 'this has to happen and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it does') [5] what is my 'no'? (i.e., negative absolutes, 'ain't no way I'm allowing that to go on anymore, not on my watch')"
  • "What does it mean to be a man who leads? It means you repent first, you allow yourself to be broken first."
  • "A woman brings grace... strong, fierce grace." (This was an incredible point... he was talking about the wife as the helper and he focused on that word in the story of Adam and Eve. The word for helper occurs only 5 times in the OT... one being when God said it wasn't good for Adam to be alone so he would make a helper suitable for him. The other 4 usages refer to God being a helper in very difficult circumstances. But more than a helper, He is a deliverer and protector and, in particular, He is those things in times of war. Hence, a wife brings grace... strong, fierce grace.)
  • Key word for women = "lonely" (because of their profound desire for relationships)... key word for men = "futility" (why bother? everything I do is constantly being undone)
  • A woman naturally says, "I'm too much" (for my husband to understand)... a man naturally says, "I'm not enough" (for her) (Great combination, huh!?)


Sara said...

which marriage conference did you attend?

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

Thanks for sharing these!!!

Blameless said...

Thank you for sharing those points on marriage. The 'contempt' concept hit me especially hard--as I can recognize those feelings in certain when my husband takes a business trip. It starts off as jealousy, moves to resentment, then to contempt.

I'm thankful that Christ taught me better ways to cope, but your breakdown of the concept puts words to what I struggled with.


Angie said...


Tamara Mitchell said...

Amazing! Thank you for sharing those points...I definitely needed those.

Cindy said...

Is this a marriage conference that is put on around the country or only a one-time thing? It sounds really good.

KK said...

Thanks for sharing what you heard at the conference. Will 'study' these even closer.
Blessings always,

Channe said...

Thanks for taking the time to share these. Especially the contempt part... that's so sobering.